Trustify Retroactive Co-Founder Jen Mellon
Trustify Retroactive Co-Founder Jen Mellon…. how do you do that? Look before you say Mr Cranky is a misogynist let me defend myself. I believe in the power of women! I know that companies who have women board members outperform companies with all male boards. Some of my best mother was a woman before she passed. Heck, some of my favorite legitimate non-retroactive startup founders are women. People like Kellee James, legitimate founder of Mercaris (one of my 100 Companies I Don’t Hate) and Shavanna Miller of Bloompop (also part of the 100 DCTech Companies I don’t Hate). Heck there’s a bunch of women business leaders I respect like Meg Whitman and how about these five women featured on this blog post, Five Influential Stealthy Women Of #DCTech?
Also, none of the companies that I truly disrespect were founded (retroactively or otherwise), or in the case of Trustify…. legitimately founded by a woman. Nope not ID.Me… to my knowledge Blake isn’t a woman. Crap companies like Surefire Local (Formerly Surefire Social) or now defunct Speek were not legitimately founded by women. Well wait, I hate 1776 but not because of the departed co-founder, Donna Harris. In fact, I like Donna even though I question her choice of Evan Burfield as a co-founder. At least Donna didn’t choose Evan as a business partner and life partner (Which brings up another unrelated thought…why do so many crappy companies constantly change their names? ie. TroopSwap – TroopID – ID.me, Genex Media – Surefire Social – Surefire Local, FlimFlam – Trustify)
Here’s the thing, on September 24, 2015, Jennifer Mellon was not a co-founder of Trustify according to the wayback machine listing, according to Trustify and according to former employees familiar with the company:
How you going to put that Danny Boice sole founder thing back into the toothpaste tube? The Internet has a long memory.
Today She is magically….Trustify Retroactive Co-Founder Jen Mellon:
And then there’s this listing on Gust where Trustify is looking to raise $3 million on a $10 million valuation. Where’s Jen? With Waldo?
So what’s the story? Maybe it’s because when the company was founded she had just given birth to a baby? But I’m sure, or at least I’d hope that Danny Boice was there at the co-founding, also known as the inception of their baby. I’m sure Danny wasn’t retroactively added to the birth certificate. So why is Jen retroactively added to the corporate equivalent of a birth certificate… the About Us page?
A source who was one of the original employees of FlimFlam, now called Trustify tells me that Mellon was nowhere to be found in those early days and that she showed up during a period of employee turmoil (which could be anytime during the life of the Trustify Dumpster Fire) after employees were fired. I’m told she had some ambiguous VP title and that her role was to bring stability to the unstable. I was told “it was weird.” Multiple ex-employees will verify that she brought anything but stability to the burning dumpster.
Several sources speculate that Trustify Retroactive Co-Founder Jen Mellon’s rise coincided with the need for new capital and the availability of capital for women-owned businesses. They speculate that she was promoted in order to improve the chances of garnering funds earmarked for women. I have no idea if this is factual but I also have no idea how someone can retroactively found a company. You can’t retroactively impregnate someone just like you can’t retroactively found a company, Jen. So why the FlimFlam about Trustify Retroactive Co-Founder Jen Mellon? What’s the deal?
The story reminds me of Lurleen Wallace, the wife of George Wallace. She ran for governor of Alabama when George was no longer eligible. It was speculated that George would Govern through Lurleen.
I invite Jen Mellon or Danny to write a response in the comments section or if you prefer, send me a note and I will print it without change. They taught you how to write when you went to Harvard and MIT, and Stanford, and Wharton… didn’t they Danny Boy? Or you can have your low-rent attorney write me another letter so I can make fun of him and you. Either way, I’m open to a legitimate response.
Jennifer if you would, I’d appreciate you reaching out to Mark Zuckerberg and see what you can do about appointing me a co-founder of Facebook. If you can’t do that I’d settle for a co-founder of MySpace.
And Now The Big News!
For anyone in desperate need of biographical puffery. Starting today… you too can become a retroactive co-founder. I’m selling a limited number of Driven Forward Retroactive Co-Founderships for $100. Such a deal!
In addition and to support women, the price is discounted to $70. Yes since women make 70 cents on the dollar compared to their male counterparts, I’m offering Retroactive Co-Founding Status for a fraction of the cost of a Male Co-Foundership. In addition, I’m paying women retroactive co-founders 150% of the $0 monthly stipend I’m paying men.
Finally in an announcement that a noted DC Celebrity once said, “I’d rather gouge my eyes out.” I’m now offering a Driven Forward Platinum Retroactive Co-Founders. For a mere $200 ($140 for Women) Platinum members receive a Business Card with the title Platinum Retroactive Co-Founder and the first 100 Platinum Co-Founders will also receive a can of Driven Forward WhoopAss.
Call now… if I had operators… they’d be standing by now.