Things That Make DC’s Mr. Cranky Cranky

I’m not quite sure if it’s become evident but lately, Mr. Cranky is kind of acting just a smidge Cranky. What the hell is sticking in my craw besides having something stuck in something like a craw of which I have no idea what the hell it is until looking craw up in the dictionary right now and finding out that it is a noun describing either the crop of a bird or insect or the stomach of an animal and yet the term stick in my craw means stick in my throat. So instead of just venting by seeing how many words, I can pack into one sentence let me just proceed with the list.

  1. LinkedFrigginIn – Everyday I get four or more people who I don’t know requesting to connect with me on LinkedIn. By some weird coincidence, most of these schmucks come up with the exact same invite message, “I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.”  What are the odds? What this message tells me is that these folks don’t know, don’t care if they impress me and don’t care that I ignore them. Hey, if you want to connect, write me a message explaining to me why you want me to connect and what’s in it for me. Because 9 times out of 10 what’s in it for me is that you want me to buy something from you that if I wanted to buy I would have sent a LinkedIn connection request to you asking if you’d sell me it and I sure as shit wouldn’t use the standard message.
  2. Twitter and LinkedIn Ain’t Tinder or Grinder – I have many female friends and relatives who tell me that they get hit on Twitter and LinkedIn all the time. WTF?
  3. Peanut Head – 15 years ago, this kid, I’ve never seen in my life comes up to me and says, “Shut Up Peanut Head!” Out of the blue? What pisses me off is for the last 15 years, I’ve been thinking what the hell was that about. This kid has been living in my head for 15 years rent free.
  4. Twitter Verified Account – Twitter previously allowed nobodies who nobody would ever pretend to be to apply for a Twitter Verified Account One such DCTech nobody just shows how low the bar was to be accepted. This douchenozzle applied and was accepted. This guy is a nobody who has spent his entire non-consequential life trying to get the big boys to agree he’s somebody which unlike most jolly good fellows he’s not which nobody can deny… see what I did there? Look, if you’re not Steve Case, you don’t need a verified twitter account and if you are some Douchenozzle (I love that word) minor employee of some huge corporation and you have a DCTech oriented hobby that never made a meaningful difference to any company or person than applying for a Verified Account means you’re a Cockwaffle (my other favorite new word). Thankfully Twitter has stopped accepting Verified applications and they are evaluating the use of past accepted applications. If Twitter values their brand, they will suss out the mistake and that will be humiliating… in which case, I’ll blog it.
  5. DCA Live – I’m sorry but an event company that charges people to view a crappy program so that the people who pay to be there can be sales targets. I hate disingenuous bait and switch sales ploys like this and Executive Leaders Radio. Just be transparent and tell us about your business model.
  6. Listerv Losers – I’m an alumni member of this thing called Mindshare. Mindshare is an organization with an Alumni-base of over 800 current or former startup CEOs and one has-been (that’s me). One thing I hate about the listserve is there are a few people who constantly post offers of advice of little value the listserve… they are trolling for customers or a job. It’s weak and spammy annoying. Geeze… just spend a buck a buy an ad.
  7. Troll Trolling – People keep asking me what do you have against Danny Boice… what did he do to you. I don’t hate Danny Boice, I hate what he does. I hate that he lies. I hate that he cheats investors, abuses employees, and damages the startup ecosystem.  I hate lies, cheats, and actions that harm business. I never met Danny Boice or Jen Mellon, I’m lucky that way. I’ve never met Andy Powers or Ram Reddy. I’ve only spoken to Tim Lee once. I’ve never met Mattew Pugsley or Jason Feimster. I just know who these people are and the damage they do and as a lifelong startup entrepreneur, as a former investor, as a father, and a son… I don’t like the shit they do.  I don’t know these criminals but I have met many of their victims and I’ve seen the damage they do. I don’t Troll just to Troll, I Troll for Justice.
  8. Tariffs – Close your ears Old Fart (frequent listener sometime commenter), I’m about to talk politics. These figgin Trump Tariffs are hitting Mr. Cranky in the pocketbook, no it’s actually a French thing that guys wear, I swear I don’t carry a pocketbook, unless. Mrs Don’t-Ever-Call-Her-Cranky asks me to holds hers. The steel tariffs have nearly doubled the price of a soup can. I use to get soup cans for cans of whoop ass for 57 cents… the price skyrocketed to a dollar.
  9. Bezos-Clause Is Coming to Town – Amazon is coming to Crystal City which is going to screw this town up (check the link).

But hey, if that’s all I have to worry about… shit, just relax… at least I live in a country where kids in school are safe from gun violence, and where we as a country of immigrants welcome immigrants and we love families and would never break them up and North Korea is completely denuclearized and Kim Jung-un is in love with the “president” of my country so he’d never harm us and then there is the “president” of my country… oh yeah, there is all that crap too…. nevermind I remember why I’m Mr. Cranky.

Disclaimer: I volunteer my time and am an independent contractor for many organizations. The Views on my blog post are my own and do not represent the views of any of the organizations with whom I dedicate my time. That includes my clients in my coaching practice, the members of my Driven Forward ThinkTank, the University of Maryland. Mach37, The Founders Institute. These views also do not reflect the opinions for any organization that I was formerly associated with including, James Monroe Elementary School, where I graduated with distinction from 6th grade, Lexitron which I left in 1982, Montgomery Youth Hockey or Vistage an organization was grateful to be a part of and of which I happily parted ways in 2014.