The Startup Founder Toolkit – 5 Must Have Items

So you want to be a founder right? Well there are some tools of the trade you’re going to need to succeed.

  1. Scotch –Bottled courage to make ridiculous asks from people who don’t want to talk to you. Use it before swallowing your pride and apologizing to people who’ve you’ve let down, owe money, missed dates. You can use it to celebrate your big wns or drown the sorrows of major losses.  Stock up!
  2. Multiple Cans of Whoop-Ass – You’ll be opening these to get your sales folks in gear, to get your customers to make payments, to get your millennials to value deadlines.
  3. Broom, Shovel, Plumber’s Wrench, Dish Rag – You’re going to have to be doing your own maintenance. Get down in the trenches.
  4. Clothes Pins – Clip them over your nose when you have to do the crappy stuff that smells so bad like suck up to some asshole Cranky Angel or BigCo executive No-op.
  5. Flea Collar – You’re going to have to lie down with dogs and when you lie down with dogs you get fleas.