The LinkedIn Swamp

I remember when LinkedIn was extremely useful.ย  I remember it before it became the online equivalent of the red light district in Amsterdam. I remember it before it felt like walking down a Tijuana backstreet past every guy who wanted to introduce you to his sister.

Today it is filled with the Neville Oyitis of this world:

Hi Glen!

I noticed we share mutual connections, and Driven Forward LLC really left an amazing impression on me – I’d love to have you in my network!


Neville Oyiti
Helping Professionals Leverage Linkedin To Book 20+ Sales Opportunities Every Month Using My RBM Formula. ๐Ÿ’ฐ

Greater New York City Area

Really Neville? Driven Forward LLC left an amazing impression on you? What specifically impressed you? Did you even try. “Left an amazing impression on you?” I bet you say that to all the girls. Is generic brand X let’s connect term, “amazing impression on you,” the millennial equivalent to, “haven’t I seen you somewhere before” or “do you come here often?”

And how about my old friend, Russel Scheider? We go all the way back to when he sent me this very personalized spam message:

Hi Glen,

Iโ€™m currently building a strong network of Business Professionals on LinkedIn, and it would be great to have you as part of it. Let’s connect!


Russell Schneider
๐Ÿ”ฅCall Me To Get 20-30+ Exclusive Leads Monthly For Your Business With No Ad Spend! โ˜Ž๏ธ 619-227-9994
Greater San Diego Area

Good for you, you old builder of strong networks you!

How about Natalia… she and I apparently have common interests.:

Hi, Glen.

I saw we have some common interests. I would love to connect with you.


Natalia Zacharin
I help small businesses improve revenue and increase cash flow. Now offering a 6 Week Financial Intelligence Program!

Baltimore, Maryland Area

A common interest? How did Natalia find out I also collect Human Skulls?

Look out for Woodroe!

Glen, I see that we have some connections in common. I am always looking for like-minded people to connect with and share experiences. Please accept my invitation.

Woodroe Leach, MSFS, CFS, CES
Senior Advisor and CEO at Leach Wealth Management Group Regional Director at Money Concepts

Washington D.C. Metro Area

Wait… Woodroe’s mind is like mine? Why would anyone including me ever want to be connected with mental defective like me? If he’s like-minded with me… I’m out.

There’s the absolute no effort, push the LinkedIn connect button message that reads:

Hi Glen, I’d like to join your LinkedIn network.

Ben Duhoski
Financial Planner at Prudential Financial

Washington D.C. Metro Area

Thanks for your thoughtful request… see my thoughtful delete, Ben.

How about Dougy who noticed our common connections and wants to open doors for solid professionals.


I noticed we had a lot of connections in common and am looking to expand my network of solid professionals. Please let me know if I can open a door for you, make a connection, or help in any way.

I look forward to getting to know you.

Doug Holt, MFS, CSCS

โšก Doug Holt โšก
I help owners & execs making $350k+ create ๐™๐™๐™€๐™€๐˜ฟ๐™Š๐™ˆ in their lives through holistic executive coaching & lifestyle engineering. ๐™Ž๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ฅ ๐™จ๐™š๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฌ๐™๐™š๐™ฃ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™ ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฌ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง๐™š’๐™จ ๐™ข๐™ค๐™ง๐™š. Let’s chat.
Bend, Oregon Area

Doug probably offers doors to solid professionals because liquid professionals or gas professionals don’t need open doors to enter a room, they just slip through under the door.

I’m on LinkedIn for the same reason I have a mobile phone… so spammers and robots can make my life miserable. Not really (I’m sorry if saying not really insults your intelligence because only a complete moron would notย  realize I was being sarcastic and if you didn’t think I was being sarcastic, please ignore the fact that I just called you a complete moron, I didn’t mean it and please ignore the following parenthetical (for those of you who did realize I was joking I really did mean that those other folks are complete morons even though some of them are likely just partial morons… damn it, I knew some of you morons would not understand the word parenthetical and ignore those instructions and therefore are reading this now but I swear, and by way of apology, I probably didn’t meant to say you morons are stupid. Are we good now?)).

No, really, I’m on LinkedIn as a reference for people searching for me to verify, my background, learn more about me or possibly opt-in to buy something for me. It’s a opt-in pull network for me. Not a spammy push network.

The last thing I needย  on LinkedIn is aย  bunch of stupid DCInno-ish, oo ah, shiny object, foolish startup cold call spam-begging me to “invest” in their sinkhole ideas. If I wanted to lose money, I would invest in LifeFuels. Don’t ask me if I want to invest in your piece of shit startup… or even in your good startup. I don’t make angel investments and even when I did I didn’t invest in people who couldn’t figure out how to get to me with about annoying the F out of me..

I’m not on LinkedIn to be the honey in the LinkedIn Honeypot for the 200 sales development companies that want to help me get more appointments. If I needed more appointments I’d find a company to do that for me not wait for you to tell me I need what I don’t need.

Don’t give me one of your generic, “I love what your doing even though I haven’t told you what it is that you are doing that I love,”ย notes so that I can buy your SEO service. If I need an SEO service provider, I’d google SEO Service companies and I sure as shit wouldn’t hire the #2 organic listed SEO company on the list after I googled them.

So when a James Swinney sends me a message like this:

Hi Glen,
I see we have some mutual connections! I’d like to add you to my professional network.

James Swinney
Financial Advisor at Morgan Stanley
Baltimore Maryland

I know he either wants to be my financial advisor… something a guy as broke as I am doesn’t need (hear that James? I have no money), or he wants to annoy my friends and make them hate me more than they already do for giving away their names so that some yahoo (I’mย  know using yahoo as a pronoun, not a noun and this is about LinkedIn and not Yahoo here) wants to sell something that if they needed it they would have found it on google because they’re not morons (see prior parenthetical discussion about morons).

You still with me? Good.ย Now help James Swinney craft a better message than that piece of shit message he sent to me. First I’d look at his profile.

First –ย James, remember that everyone’s is always thinking, what’s in it for me. What’s in it of me to be added to your professional network? If there is anything upside for me to accept your invite, you haven’t made that clear to me. So using James profile, if I was an intrusive pushy spammer, I might spam James with an opening like this. “Hi James, I work with wealthy founders and many of them are selling their businesses. I see we are both terps and we have 77ย  mutual connections, many who I respect and trust like Tim Cook (not the Apple Tim Cook, haha but the PCTechmate Tim Cook). I would like to be connected to a trusted financial advisor so that I can refer clients and friends in need of financial advice to you.

Do you think that would have worked? You’re damn straight… he would have connected with me in a New York minute. Why? Because there was something in it for him.ย  The key to my message was that I could introduce James to many possible great clients.

Second – Notice that my message was specific to James and his relationship to me. It was personalized. We are both Terps and we have 77 connections. James message to me was not remotely personalized. He could have sent it to anyone with whom he had one measly connection. He could have sent a 500 hundred of the exact same message. without even reading the person profile He didn’t make me feel like he really cared if I responded or not. I hope he didn’t care that I opted to not.

Third – If I sent him that message and he connected with me, I wouldn’t turn right around and say, “hey dude, do you want to be my customer.” I’d follow him. I’d like his posts. I’d offer him some help and then after developing some trust and a relationship I might ask him if he knew anyone who was looking for an executive coach. I use to accept some of these connection requests from unknown goons and 3 minutes after I connected, they asked me to become a customer or an investor and 3 seconds after I got the message I delete the connection. I was turned off and have become much more selective.

Yes, lady and gents… LinkedIn has become a swamp and when Microsoft took it over, it didn’t drain the swamp. It just keeps getting worse. Twitter is a Cesspool. Facebook is a barrel in which data miners shoot fish. Pinterest is for crocheters. It makes me long for MySpace… I’m going back there. So if you want to sell me your shit that I’m not interested buyimg, hit me up on MySpace.

Link Here to See Part II of this LinkedIn Marketing Post