Tech Rags Nibletz

The Extinction of Thought – Tech Rags

This week was going to be the week. It was destined to be the point of my career that after a full week, that by Saturday, my reader would say to himself, what happened to Mr Cranky? He’s so positive. Ahhh but then there are the tech rags. I was doing fine until I started reading the crap that I and my more celebrated tech press peers were putting out as wisdom.

You know who I’m talking about. The people who spew bit vomit against our LCD-walls to see if any of it sticks. The people who believe the more content, the more likely we’d sell advertising space no matter the nutritional value of the crap thrown against those LCDs.

There was a time I thought the democratization of the media was a good thing. That time was just prior to the vision becoming reality. Now after reading enough mindless drivel to make Sarah Palin seem Descartes-esque, I am of the belief that it would be better if writers were licensed. If we had to pass tests to be published. Yes, I understand that if spelling, grammar and niceness counted I’d be shut down…. but such is the cost of sanity. Ahhh the tech rags.

Let’s look at the worst of the worst. Nibletz.

Nibletz 5 Business Mistakes To Avoid

  1. Not doing enough research
  2. Not saving money
  3. Over-reliance on outside financing
  4. Not fully utilizing social media
  5. Expanding too soon

Somebody actually had to write this crap down? Looks like they missed the other 5:

  1. Doing too much research
  2. Being cheap and not investing in growth
  3. Trying to do it with no outside financing
  4. Over-reliance on social media
  5. Expanding too slow

or  here’s my 5

  1. Only hiring employees because they’ll have sex with you
  2. Locating your office in a crack house
  3. Not giving a crap if anyone needs or will pay for your product
  4. Never showing up at the office
  5. Spending anytime reading or following the advice in Nibletz

How about this article from Nibletz: It Is Possible to Raise Money Everywhere Else? in which the Nibletz “journalists,” as they like to refer to themselves, give 5 examples of 5 companies that weren’t in Silicon Valley that raised money and doesn’t explain how or why or anything of any value. The article has all the nutritional content of a diet coke and a much worse metallic aftertaste. Well, at least the article has 1 Facebook like which is confirmation that the author has a mom.

Look it’s official

  1. If Nibletz was a light bulb they’d make refrigerator bulbs look bright
  2. If Nibletz had an intelligent thought in one of their articles, it would die of loneliness.
  3. If someone wanted to buy a used brain they couldn’t get one at Nibletz
  4. If Nibletz had a wart removed from its ass it would be brain surgery
  5. If Nibletz had to take a urine test, they’d study all week and still fail

Or you can take Tech Cocktail, a publication to which I use to be a contributor until I realized I was becoming guilty of banality by association. Here’s an article, 15 WAYS TO BECOME A BETTER CEO. An article by a guy who appears to be nice enough, was born in 1988, has never been a CEO, never worked for a CEO good or bad and yet still advises his readers on 15 inane ways to be a great CEO. Some of them just impossibly naïve and most of them obvious.

Just look at #1  Be creative and think outside your box. That sounds like great advice. Just go ahead and be creative. Don’t worry if like all human beings you have natural strengths and weaknesses… oh and let’s say creativity isn’t part of your hardwiring. Just think outside that old hard wired box and be creative. Because that’s what this writer would do if he was ever a CEO which he’s never been.

Hey, young man, some people can’t just be creative and that’s okay. They have my permission to still be CEOs. Just like some people can’t focus on details and that’s okay too. No one’s perfect and imperfection does not eliminate anyone from CEO-hood.The key is to recognize your weaknesses and build a team that fills in the gaps.Don’t you think that’s a little better advice than being what you can’t be?

Here’s a little test. Mandate that all potential CEOs read this Tech Cocktail and the Nibletz articles. Then if they haven’t washed their eyes in bleach to blind themselves from the torture, ask them if they learned anything of value from the posts. If they say yes, eliminate them as a potential CEO and send them to Texas to run as Tea Party Candidates for Congress.

Lastly, please don’t ever tell people to be creative by using the most uncreative “thinking inside the box” cliché of think outside the box. If you can’t get your ass so far outside of the box to think outside the outside the thinking box, I’d shut my box about creativity.

And then there’s a respected rag like Venture Beat which in an article titled, Why investors & tech startups are flocking to downtown Las Vegas, “journalist” Christina Farr demonstrates an almost unfathomable lack of reading comprehension and understanding of basic civic when she writes,

By contrast, Washington, D.C. shows how not to create a tech startup ecosystem.

When the recession hit, policy-makers in D.C. placed their faith in technology to pick up the slack. They looked toward the startup sector to create jobs and bring innovation to sectors like health and education.

But the promise has not borne out. Washington startup founders have been accused by economists and researchers of increasing unemployment and exacerbating wage disparities between an extremely elite group of techies on the one hand, and everyone else on the other. In a city like Washington, where economic disparities between rich and poor are already quite stark, that was a crippling critique.

The economists she cites are talking about the nation in general and not DC Founders so how did she make the leap that this was a DC problem which with all of DCs problems as a tech Mecca, and there are many, Christina may have nailed the only problem DC doesn’t have.

Oh and Christina? DC is a city, filled with citizens governed by it’s own municipal government. The Federal government to which you refer is the same Federal Government that makes policy decisions for United States citizens. Citizens like you, where ever the hell you’re located and like me in Virginia.

You’d know that if you were a naturalized citizen. You know why? Because you’d have to pass a civics test to make the citizenship grade and it’s unfortunate that you and the rest of us bit vomiting hacks need only pass the test of owning an internet connected device to call ourselves “journalists.”