Okay Boomer – Mr Cranky Edition

Born smack in the middle of the boomer generation, this cranky old fart embraces the Okay Boomer responses I get from my kids, my mentees, and my business associations. For all you Boomers, Xrs, Millennials, Zrs and if there are any of you readers from "The Greatest Generation." what follows are my proud, "Okay Boomer," inducing pronouncements. For the uninitiated, I recommend you do a little, Okay Boomer, research. Start here with this Vox Media article, “OK boomer” isn’t just about the past. It’s about our apocalyptic future. It’s not really about age — and it’s more complicated than just memes. Okay, you all with me now? Groovy <---- Okay Boomer inducing expression. Here's Mr. Cranky's Cranky snap-back at you Boomer haters!!!! Stop texting me and pick up the damn phone and call me --Okay Boomer Stop DMing me. If it isn't worth a phone call, then email it to me. - Okay Boomer Get the hell out of the house and meet some people. Make some real friends and talk to them, don't type to them on the firggin phone - Okay Boomer Don't tell me you're a vegetarian because you love animals and not admit you hate plants - Okay Boomer WeWork is not...

Is Jonathon Perrelli’s LifeFuels About To Become a Company?

(Updated 5:51 PM August 29, 2019) Hallelujah, Jonathon Perrelli! Yes! Yes! Yesssssssss! It's happy days for LifeFuels investors. According to an article first reported by Andy Medici in the  Washington Business Journal, Jonathon Perrelli's, LifeFuels will be shipping product at some yet to be identified mythical time in the not so distant near future like perhaps some time on some unspecified day this September...

LifeFuels Moonshot

In 1962, a young, charismatic President Kennedy announced an ambitious plan. "First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth." John F. Kennedy, September 12 1962 Seven years later, Kennedy was not with us to hear these famous words. "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Niel Armstrong, July, 20 1969 It was an ambitious plan. In fact, to this day, ambitious plans are often called moon shots. By setting an ambitious goal, American scientists and engineers pushed the envelope of science. Kennedy's dream was realized. In 2014, a bombastic, charismatic, buffoonish "entrepreneur," Jonathon Perrelli announced his slightly less ambitious Moon Shot. "First, I beleive that this company should commit istelf to acheiving the goal, before this decade is out, of making a water bottle and avoid the hoots and howls of Mr. Cranky." Jonathon Perrelli, April Fools Day, 2014 More than Five years later, just nipping under the wire of the end of the decade, LifeFuels Announces, "We're kicking off our Pilot Program on June 12th." LifeFuels Yes according to an email from LifeFuels, Dear LifeFueler Subject: Pilot Program Details You will be provided with a Bottle,...

Scam Alert: ExecMagic

Warning! Warning! Warning! ExecMagic is another company, much like AdvisoryCloud, which use to be ExecRanks, prays on people's desire to sit on boards (see AdvisoryCloud post here). It seems like AdvisoryCloud/ExecRanks, ExecMagic monetizes executives hopes and dreams of becoming a board member without much success of that exec obtaining a board seat. A couple of weeks ago, this cockwaffle, Tom Cook from ExecMagic messaged me from my website (see below). Thomas A Cook II ( Tom) from ExecMagic - Best practices Tuesday, April 16⋅5:00 – 6:00 pm email: [email protected] Description: Attendee: Thomas A Cook II ( Tom) Subject: Best practices‌ Phone: 530 693 4155 Information entered by the customer: I am looking for some coaching on how to do my job better and more efficient. June 6, 2019 Update: I just found out that Tom Cook is a fake name used by multiple salespeople at ExecMagic. Abra Cadabra, Poof, your name is now Thomas A Cook II...

Heard Around DC Startups

Ah DC Startups, the red-headed, bastard, stepchildren of the startup world. For instance, the other day I read a quote by a guy. In terms of DC Startups, this guy is a successful founder with a good, relative to other DC Startups exits.  I like and respect this guy and his current company.  Yet, the quote was a perfect example of the ridiculous, over-the-top, kind of sound bites it takes to get ink or bits in the startup press in the wastelands of DC Startups. This quote inspired me to pick on all the pronouncements and predictions from DC's "prestigious" prognosticators. Here's the quote that inspired me, "We have the DNA of a billion dollar company" I have the DNA of a Neanderthal (2.7 % of my DNA to be precise) but that doesn't make me a caveman. Nope, I'm a caveman because I have failed to evolve. So to the CEO of the double-helix DNA company, you have the DNA of a decent company but you aren't the next Uber of Uber. On the other hand, you aren't Lifefuels...

Sorry DC… this isn’t the big one.

You know the definition of a slow DCTech news day? Every business day DCInno reports on everything that nobody needs to know in DC. Each day there is a feature called The Big One. Now I don't know about you but the big one to me means something.  It's like the earthquake that sinks half of California into the sea or the Heart Attack that ends a life. But not a pretend heart attack like this one from Sanford and Son: If you can't see the video link here. But according to DCInno, the big one on November 1, was an App that keeps you posted on the happy hour deals offered by bars. That's a cute little feature. Maybe Groupon could use it to delay their slow death. There are over 60,000 restaurants in the US and all of them are on yelp...

All Eyes on Jonathon Perrelli and Fortify

So there's this guy in town (DC) who likes to play dress up. While all the other kids were playing Cowboys and Native Americans, this guy dressed up like he was a Venture Capitalist.  I'm talking about Jonathon Perrelli and Fortify. Back in the day, he played big venture capitalist boy. Today, all the other kids are playing astronaut, but little Jon is playing big-time CEO of a hot, water-bottle startup (not hot water but a hot startup and regular water). Nine years ago, there were some people in town who gave little Jonny P, real money which he spread around DCTech like cash was apple seeds and little Jon was Jonny Appleseed. Dressed up like a VC, he indiscriminately spread the cash randomly with no thesis, strategy or plan, throwing some here and there. Ninety percent of JP's investments were or are dogs. But just like a blind squirrel...