Pulling Weeds in the DC Startup Garden

If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden and all the startups were plant life, the good companies would be flowers, especially Urban Stems and Bloompop that happen to sell flowers. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden than the DC Startup Tech "Journalists" would be the farmers who shine sunlight and spread manure in our gardens. "Journalists" from Tecnical.ly DC and DCInno do a great job of spreading the crap. They indiscriminately spread life-giving nutrients to all plants be they flowers or weeds. That's great because every garden needs fertilizer. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden it would be a small garden and unfortunately, this garden is over-fertilized with poo and is infested with weeds. The weeds you ask? They are companies like Trustify, Chalant Health, Union, and LifeFuels, with "Venture Craptial" firms like 3Si, with false prophets like Paul Singh, Evan Burfield, Jonathon Perrelli. they are the second tier, phonies who don't even qualify to the 1st class huckster status like, Jason Feimster, Matthew Pugsley, and Janet Ridgely. To the outright abusive criminals like Andy Powers, Danny Boice, and Jen Mellon. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden, this garden would need a gardener willing to get his or her...

What A Crock Of Startup Bullshit

I can't take it anymore. I can no longer continue ignoring Paul Singh's startup bullshit disguised as wisdom. Folks in the know keep forwarding to me ridiculous articles, stupid investments, and silly tweets of Paul's. One of his latest gems, a blog post titled, "You (probably) don't need a MVP, You need a list"  forwared to me with the subject line, Do You Believe This Shit? Yes, I sure as shit do because I consider the source. It's Paul Singh, the "prestigious," prestidigitating street performer from the traveling medicine show of startup bullshit. The man who packed up all his earthly possessions into an Airstream trailer, left DC and his Family behind in a cloud of dust. Just in time to beat the crowd of investors and entrepreneurs armed with pitchforks who showed up at his castle (see actual photo below)! [caption id="attachment_78750" align="aligncenter" width="960"] Actual Photo Of DCTech Investors on the way to Paul's House Before They Found Out He Skipped Town[/caption] Since then, he's been traveling to other startup boonies posing as the one-eyed man of startup bullshit in the land of the startup blind. He's the guru of getting it done in startup backwaters like Utica, Kitchenoo, Port Huron, Tallahassee,...

Jonathon Perrelli LifeFuels Life Fool

What do you do if you're Jonathon Perrelli, the LifeFuels Life Fool, and Mr. Cranky won't stop pointing out how much of your investor's money you wasted promoting your product and yourself. How do you counter my frequent mocking because you've focused so little time creating a product? How do you counter Mr Cranky making fun of all the money and time wasted on meaningless pay-to-play awards like a CES innovation award (see post)? A competent rational person would stop focusing on self-promotion and start focusing on building real value. An intelligent strategic person would stop producing so much mock-worthy material. But a LifeFuels Life Fool would just try to block my access to his buffoonery. He'd block every person who follows Mr. Cranky on Twitter, everyone who has ever left a supportive comment on my blog posts (more about that later). This fool would block me from his social media feeds in the hopes that he could hide from critical scrutiny. JP is a snowflake too timid to face the truth. A man who craves affirmation and runs from the truth. The problem with Mr. Perrelli, LifeFuels Life Fool is he's afraid to face facts. He is afraid to confront reality...

executive coaches - whoopass

Startup Community Leaders or Leavers?

I've always been suspect of startup community leaders. In fact, when Tien Wong accused me of being a startup community leader the other day, I was so offended I almost asked him to turn in his can of WhoopAss. Let's look at a history of startup community leaders in DC and keep score: Startup Community Leaders Who Are Leavers: Mario Morino - DCs first startup community leader at the end of the 90s and beginning of the aughts. He left town for his hometown of Cleveland over 15 years ago. LaunchBox Digital - How could these guys fail with such a strong first cohort (see article) Frank Gruber - Ran DC-Focused Tech Cocktail and left town in 2013 to become a Las Vegas community leader in 2013 Jen Consalvo - Also ran DC-Focused Tech Cocktail and left town in 2013 to become a Las Vegas community leader in 2013 Justin Thorpe - Was a force behind DC-Tech Meetup, DC-Tech Facebook Group left town in 2013 to work with Frank and Jen and came back a year later as a civilian Michael Myernick - Co-founded Proudly Made and a DC-Tech Meetup organizer raised $1.2 million for his "startup," Spinnakr and then snuck out of...

DCA Live Red Hot Not

Last week I noticed a posting from a friend about DCA Live on Twitter. It got me thinking, which is something I try to do every 10 years or so. What the hell is a DCA Live? Here's what I saw on Twitter: Awesome event! Congrats to the nominees!! Great list of top tech cos in DC!! — Tien Wong (@tienwong) July 10, 2018 Just wondering? What qualifies as a red hot company? If I started a company, April 2015, burned through $3 million and produced no product...

Executive Coaches Light Bulb Whoopass

Sometimes I Have To Admit, #DCTech Isn’t So Bad

[caption id="attachment_60126" align="alignright" width="150"] Fake Grimlock holding a can of WhoopAss[/caption] When it comes to DCTech, ya'll, well, any of ya'll in DCTech who have ever read my screeds know that Mr. Cranky is a Glass Half Full kind of guy and that Half Full Glass is usually Half Full of Urine. Now, most of you are thinking that Mr. Cranky, is from New Jersey by way of Brooklyn before Brooklyn was as our President would say, "Infested," with hipsters, just used the word ya'll and you're wondering WTF so I'm going to tell you WFT, and TF is that the word, ya'll empowers me to say things like "Bless Your Heart," instead of the New Jerseyian equivalent which is, F$3K OFF! Hows that for some stream of consciousness bit spewing vomit (the first person to correctly diagram the proceeding sentences gets a free can of Mr. Cranky Driven Forward Whoopass as pictured here). Today I'm here to Praise DCTech and not to bury her. In the last 2 weeks, I've serendipitously managed to meet several DCTech Real Startup Founders. Here are companies that will make my next release of "100 DCTech Companies I Don't Hate." Nakul Manjal - Status Identity. provides powerful Multi-Factor Adaptive User Authentication by creating a...

Random Rants of a Cranky Old Fart

I have been collecting a bunch of Random Rants that don't warrant a singular blog post so I thought I'd get them all out at once.  So here we go with Random Rants of a Cranky Old Fart. The Peter Noce Affair - My Mobile Phone Rings...

Matthew Pugsley is a conman and he Strikes Again

Matthew Pugsley is a conman. Not everyone knows this about him as evidenced by a phone call I just had with a friend. This buddy, who shall remain nameless, was recently at a cocktail party where he met a guy who had no idea Matthew Pugsley is a conman. Over drinks and small talk their conversation went something like this: Sucker: "So what do you do?" Friend: "I'm a Venture Capitlist." Sucker: "Really? I just made my first venture investment." Friend: "In what company?" Sucker: "A little company called Chalant Health. I don't know much about it or how they're doing but my boss invested six figures." <Awkward Silence as Friend struggles not to lose his drink through his nose> Friend: "You know you might want to google them." Hey Sucker, let me google that for you! Try this link. See how easy that was? Do you know what you would have learned had you done that before you stroked a check? Matthew Pugsley is a conman. Let me make this perfectly clear, Pugsley ain't no businessman. Pugsley ain't no saint. Pugsley ain't no upstanding citizen. Matthew Pugsley is a conman, and Chalant Health is a house of cards. This isn't Matt's first con. This isn't Matt's first company from which he embezzled...