Washington Post Readers Dump on LifeFuels

The Tom Heath Washington Post Article The Washington Post's Thomas Heath is a good guy. He writes puff, feel-good pieces for the Post's Business Section. He's written about a bunch of clients, a bunch of good people. He's had a miss or two, for instance when he offered positive coverage to now-bankrupt Ponzi Scheme., Trustify. A company and two founders, Danny Boice and Jennifer Mellon facing multiple fraud and embezzlement charges (BTW, The Washington Post had to close the comment section because the comments against Boice were scathing). Tom is usually a cheerleader and yet in a recent post about one of DC's most embarrassing startups, LifeFuels, he's not so Rah Rah. In a Friday the 13th article about Jonathon Perrelli and LifeFuels titled, "This water bottle knows how much you’ve had to drink — and it tells your phone," he's a little skeptical. Thomas gives Perrelli, a noted embellisher of the truth the benefit of the doubt in a few instances...

Is Jonathon Perrelli’s LifeFuels About To Become a Company?

(Updated 5:51 PM August 29, 2019) Hallelujah, Jonathon Perrelli! Yes! Yes! Yesssssssss! It's happy days for LifeFuels investors. According to an article first reported by Andy Medici in the  Washington Business Journal, Jonathon Perrelli's, LifeFuels will be shipping product at some yet to be identified mythical time in the not so distant near future like perhaps some time on some unspecified day this September...

LifeFuels Moonshot

In 1962, a young, charismatic President Kennedy announced an ambitious plan. "First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth." John F. Kennedy, September 12 1962 Seven years later, Kennedy was not with us to hear these famous words. "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Niel Armstrong, July, 20 1969 It was an ambitious plan. In fact, to this day, ambitious plans are often called moon shots. By setting an ambitious goal, American scientists and engineers pushed the envelope of science. Kennedy's dream was realized. In 2014, a bombastic, charismatic, buffoonish "entrepreneur," Jonathon Perrelli announced his slightly less ambitious Moon Shot. "First, I beleive that this company should commit istelf to acheiving the goal, before this decade is out, of making a water bottle and avoid the hoots and howls of Mr. Cranky." Jonathon Perrelli, April Fools Day, 2014 More than Five years later, just nipping under the wire of the end of the decade, LifeFuels Announces, "We're kicking off our Pilot Program on June 12th." LifeFuels Yes according to an email from LifeFuels, Dear LifeFueler Subject: Pilot Program Details You will be provided with a Bottle,...

Love Your Haters

You have to love your haters. If you're a person of principle. If you're true to your values. Then you have to love your haters. That's the reason I was flattered the other day when a semi-literate, inarticulate, hater created a web site that pays homage to Mr. Cranky. Thank you whomever you are. You're a hater and you have to love your haters. Oh wait...

DCTech Startup Crime Update

It's that time again for the DCTech Startup Crime Update. Lots of little movement with the Crooks and Criminals of DCTech but not enough to warrant a single subject blog and therefore I'm going to provide a general DCTech Startup Crime Update on multiple happenings around DCTech. DCTech Startup Crime Update -Existing Projects Andy Powers and Communiclique (Clique, CliqueAPI) - Every month that Andy doesn't live rent-free on the federally funded 3 hots and a cot program, costs his investors a ton of evaporating capital including the $35 thousand per month rent on his home (see home and court details).  On Monday 4/29, Andy Power's lawyer showed up just prior to the 4 PM deadline with the data to prove that the company was a legitimate business. The invoices submitted were obviously fraudulent...

Retail Tectonic Shifts and a few Yuks

Retail Tectonic Shifts? Is Mr. Cranky going to talk about what's happening in Germany? No that's Teutonic Shifts.  This is the kind of shirt that takes place when the earth's floating tectonic plates mash together and shake the world. Shit is happening in retail. Some of it good. Most of it bad. In this post, true to form, Mr. Cranky briefly touches on the good but will hammer home the bad effects of retail tectonic shifts. Amazon - Retail Tectonic Shifts Amazon - The Good: Have a stupid idea in your head and search it on Amazon and there it is...

Mia Culpa Jason Calacanis

Mia Culpa Jason Calacanis which I think translates from the original Italian to "That's my Coffee Jason Calacanis." For those of you who don't know, Jason Calacanis is a guy who heard the words of Horace Greeley, "Go West Young Man." Yes, one day this guy from Brooklyn, prior to the hipsterfication of Brooklyn, you know when Brooklyn was still inhabited with urban hillbillies, struck startup unicorn gold and then packed up his bags and moved about 400 miles north of Beverly (that's a Beverly Hillbillies reference). Why Mia Culpa? To catch you up from our last episode of Mr. Cranky is an Asshole in which I trashed Jason's Angel University (see episode one here) and took some cheap yet self amusing shots. You know self amusing, which is to comedy what masturbation is to making love. The Jason Calacanis Empire Jason Calacanis is one of many startup gurus who has built a startup conglomerate consisting of multiple branches: Launch Accelerator - a startup accelerator which competes with my Brake Decelerator Launch Angel Investment Syndicators - this is similar to the kind of syndicates that Paul Singh puts together except, Jason Calacanis is not an idiot, he's not full of shit,  he has...

The Startup Gurus or In Defense of Jason Calacanis

Last week, in an attempt to make a point, and in a lame attempt at humor, while making said point, I took cheap, but funny, at least funny to me, but probably not quite as funny to Jason, shots at Jason Calacanis. Let me apologize for one thing, as Startup Gurus go, Jason Calacanis is one of the best. The reason I took issue with Jason in that blog was questioning the value of a $500, four-hour meeting promoted to teach people how to become professional angel investors (see post here). Jason good-naturedly engaged in the dialogue and showed his metal. He displayed a sense of humor, a sense of self, he acted consistent with his public display of ego. He didn't cower and pretend he was above criticism. He defended himself and didn't block the messenger. The difference between a Jason Calacanis and phony Startup Gurus like Jonathon Perrelli is that Jp's self-image doesn't match his public display of ego. He knows he's a fraud. He knows his actions are indefensible so instead of engaging and responding to criticism he closes his ears. Jason's value includes his network of contacts, success in investing, and thoughtful content which makes Jason the real deal while the...

Bullshit – Jason Calacanis Angel University

It's difficult to make money in Angel Investing. Most Angels lose money. For people who want to spend money to learn how to lose money, there is Jason Calacanis Angel University. Because if you're willing to flush cash down a toilet, why not flush some of that cash down the Jason Calacanis Angel University toilet. Wait just one cotton-picking minute Glenbo, you Cranky old fart...