Pulling Weeds in the DC Startup Garden

If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden and all the startups were plant life, the good companies would be flowers, especially Urban Stems and Bloompop that happen to sell flowers. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden than the DC Startup Tech "Journalists" would be the farmers who shine sunlight and spread manure in our gardens. "Journalists" from Tecnical.ly DC and DCInno do a great job of spreading the crap. They indiscriminately spread life-giving nutrients to all plants be they flowers or weeds. That's great because every garden needs fertilizer. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden it would be a small garden and unfortunately, this garden is over-fertilized with poo and is infested with weeds. The weeds you ask? They are companies like Trustify, Chalant Health, Union, and LifeFuels, with "Venture Craptial" firms like 3Si, with false prophets like Paul Singh, Evan Burfield, Jonathon Perrelli. they are the second tier, phonies who don't even qualify to the 1st class huckster status like, Jason Feimster, Matthew Pugsley, and Janet Ridgely. To the outright abusive criminals like Andy Powers, Danny Boice, and Jen Mellon. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden, this garden would need a gardener willing to get his or her...

What A Crock Of Startup Bullshit

I can't take it anymore. I can no longer continue ignoring Paul Singh's startup bullshit disguised as wisdom. Folks in the know keep forwarding to me ridiculous articles, stupid investments, and silly tweets of Paul's. One of his latest gems, a blog post titled, "You (probably) don't need a MVP, You need a list"  forwared to me with the subject line, Do You Believe This Shit? Yes, I sure as shit do because I consider the source. It's Paul Singh, the "prestigious," prestidigitating street performer from the traveling medicine show of startup bullshit. The man who packed up all his earthly possessions into an Airstream trailer, left DC and his Family behind in a cloud of dust. Just in time to beat the crowd of investors and entrepreneurs armed with pitchforks who showed up at his castle (see actual photo below)! [caption id="attachment_78750" align="aligncenter" width="960"] Actual Photo Of DCTech Investors on the way to Paul's House Before They Found Out He Skipped Town[/caption] Since then, he's been traveling to other startup boonies posing as the one-eyed man of startup bullshit in the land of the startup blind. He's the guru of getting it done in startup backwaters like Utica, Kitchenoo, Port Huron, Tallahassee,...

Jason Feimster the Clown Prince of Venture Capital

Great News for DCTech! Jason Feimster, the clown prince of Venture Capital is back in business! His website is back up. It's still a cheap ass, low-rent, Wix-based web site. It still features a ton of plagiarized content (See the Clown Prince of Venture Capitals plagiarizing post). Feimster's page is still riddled with lies. But, let me say this in defense of the Clown Prince of Venture Capital's website if it was compared to the underlying, "Busines," if the website was a novel it would be, War and Piece, while the business is 50 Shades of Feces (Jason, here's a link to help you figure out what the word "Feces" means). For some strange reason, cough, cough lack of money, Jason's website went AWOL in June. Maybe after being fully invested, he had a cash flow problem and couldn't pay his $6 monthyly web hosting fee (see post). I'm told, but can't verify that his last fund was fully invested when he invested the last nickel in a pack of juicy fruit gum. So he closed 3Si Holdings Fund I. The crack investigative reporting team at Driven Forward were able to obtain the actual complete Fund I portfolio. Here it is: One...

RIP 3Si VC

Today is a sad day for DCTech. It appears that one of our most active, if the tonnage that one bullshits qualifies as active, VCs is no more. Just take a look at the website. http://www.3siholdings.com and you see a blank WIX web site. Ha Wix, the preferred site of fakers, fools, and felons. Come on Jason, WIX sites cost as much as $0...

Executive Coaches Light Bulb Whoopass

Sometimes I Have To Admit, #DCTech Isn’t So Bad

[caption id="attachment_60126" align="alignright" width="150"] Fake Grimlock holding a can of WhoopAss[/caption] When it comes to DCTech, ya'll, well, any of ya'll in DCTech who have ever read my screeds know that Mr. Cranky is a Glass Half Full kind of guy and that Half Full Glass is usually Half Full of Urine. Now, most of you are thinking that Mr. Cranky, is from New Jersey by way of Brooklyn before Brooklyn was as our President would say, "Infested," with hipsters, just used the word ya'll and you're wondering WTF so I'm going to tell you WFT, and TF is that the word, ya'll empowers me to say things like "Bless Your Heart," instead of the New Jerseyian equivalent which is, F$3K OFF! Hows that for some stream of consciousness bit spewing vomit (the first person to correctly diagram the proceeding sentences gets a free can of Mr. Cranky Driven Forward Whoopass as pictured here). Today I'm here to Praise DCTech and not to bury her. In the last 2 weeks, I've serendipitously managed to meet several DCTech Real Startup Founders. Here are companies that will make my next release of "100 DCTech Companies I Don't Hate." Nakul Manjal - Status Identity. provides powerful Multi-Factor Adaptive User Authentication by creating a...

Indiscriminate Indiscriminator

My mother always told me that If I couldn't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Then one day, my sister asked my mother to brush her hair and I said, "Jeeze Cindy, even Helen Keller can comb her own hair." To which my dad picked up his belt took two quick steps towards me and I beat feet out of the house as fast as I could. Only to return in under the cover of night when clearer heads prevailed. I guess that wasn't a nice thing to say. Obviously, the lesson didn't sink in. As you noticed Mr. Cranky isn't Mr. Cranky because his praise to pwn (pronounced Pone) ratio is like 2:9 maybe even 1:9. Now let me tell you I don't bitch about everything or everyone I see. There are many times, I see stuff I want to ridicule and then I say to myself, Is what I'm pointing out a warning and a danger to others? Will it be a useful lesson? You know, like a "Beware of Dog Sign." Examples: is this Danny Boice or Jennifer Melon, abusing employees, cheating investors, abusing family members or is this a Jason Feimster and his pretend VC 3Si...

Where Did The 3Si Team Go?

Hey! Wait just one minute! What happened? Where did my 3Si team go? What happened to the clowns on the bus? Where's my team? Jason Feimster has been running a long con, bait and switch game.  Pretending to be an entrepreneur. Pretending to be a VC. He has everything you need to be a VC. He has a name, URL, website, blogs, and a team...

Random Rants of a Cranky Old Fart

I have been collecting a bunch of Random Rants that don't warrant a singular blog post so I thought I'd get them all out at once.  So here we go with Random Rants of a Cranky Old Fart. The Peter Noce Affair - My Mobile Phone Rings...

Open Letter to Whiny Jason Feimster

Poor little whiny Jason Feimster. He's being bullied! I know this because I just read his comment on a LinkedIn post.  It went like this: What are we at again? Speaking of conducting due diligence, have we ever spoke? I find your negative press and borderline lies almost amusing. However, your cyber bullying rhetoric is getting a little over played. It sounds like the ex-Marine, and big-time VC, who runs a $70 million Venture Fund (according to Feimster) is being bullied by a little old man who isn't a VC running a $70 million fund. Either Mr. Cranky is a bully or whiny Jason Feimster thinks you can be bullied by facts. Jason was responding to this post on LinkedIn that linked to this post. So I want to respond to this complaint in an open letter: Dear Whiny Jason Feimster, It is true we have never spoken. It is also true that I have only presented facts and from those facts, made several assertions. I'm concerned that you believe that there are borderline lies. I assure you that if there are any lies in my posts, and you can prove to me I am in error, I will remove the posts and sing your praises!!!! Let's address...