How To Invest in Startups

This is Mr. Cranky's Official Guide on How To Invest in Startups. Now a better topic than How To Invest in Startups would be Why The Hell Would You Want to Invest In Startups but that's another article. Also, a warning. These are my opinions, based on experience as a limited partner in Venture Fund and an Angel Investor. Do not make investment decisions based on this article! Got that? It's just observations of the various choices and the relative benefits and pitfalls of multiple investment methodologies. No primer on how to invest in startups would be complete without a primer on the state of Venture Capital. Venture Capital Investment today is divided into the Haves and the Have Nots: The Haves (THs) - a group of venture funds who raise money from top financial institutions and endowment funds. The THs don't have to actively go out and raise money, there's a long line of Limited Partners ready to invest well over $1 million dollars in the fund to get access to the "best deals." If you're reading this to learn something, you can't invest in any of THs. THs get access to the best deals and in order to limit competition...

LifeFuels is a Punchline to a Joke.

LifeFuels is entering its 5th year as a company. Actually, LifeFuels is not a company, it's a punchline to a joke. What do you call a company that has been in business for 5 years and has no product, no sales, no nothing of any value except for press releases? Lifefuels is not a company, LifeFuels is a punchline to a joke. On April Fools Day, 2014, Life Fool Jonathon Perrelli founded LifeFuels...

Driven Forward DCTech 2019 Gift Calendar

What's the perfect holiday gift for DCTech Startup Fans? It's the Mr Cranky, 2019 Gift Calendar! Feel free to print this out and make your own or if you prefer, you can contact me and order your officially printed version. Printed, bound and sent to your address for just $19.99. Want to order one, contact me here. Tell me how many you want and I'll be in touch. Remember, if you'd like one, contact me here!...

Executive Coaches Light Bulb Whoopass

World of #DCTech Update

Hi, #DCTech Mr. Sunshine here with a World of #DCTech Update. If you've been reading DCInno then you probably have no idea what's happening in the startup community in this town so it's time for a #DCTech update on what's really happening. Social Tables - The big news is a sweet exit for Social Tables. Congratulations Dan Berger on an exceptional job. The deal should certainly be labeled a win returning 7X to most investors. This investor is very happy. I'm sure the VCs are pleased and yet not ecstatic because the deal falls short of the 10X plus target of most investors. Yet as a #DCTech Update, this is a big win and a cash deal at that! This is a glass fully full as far as I'm concerned. Trackmaven - The Trackmaven "merger" on the other hand...

The Washington Post Non-Washington Business Coverage

The Washington Post has been asleep at the wheel in terms of covering the Startup world of DC. Granted, the startup world of DC has been comatose for some time. But while there are criminals and thieves plying their craft in DC, The Washington Post, is mum. But on October 12, 2018, the Washington Post's, Antonia Noori Farzan, woke up and penned an article about a minor crook in the Washington Suburbs of Fall River, Massachusetts. A DC suburb if 353 miles and a 5 1/2 hour drive is a commute. Yes, the paper which barely covers what is happening in business in DC didn't miss an opportunity to cover the curious inconsequential case of the 23-year-old Mayor-Elect of Falls River. The article: Elected mayor at 23 in struggling Fall River, Mass., Jasiel F. Correia II had the makings of a rising star — until Thursday (see link) As the post reports, "early Thursday morning, federal agents arrested Correia on charges that he stole almost a quarter of a million dollars from seven people who had invested in his start-up." Yet when local DC-based startup Comunniclique founder Andy Powers was found guilty of bilking local investors out of over $10 million dollars (which by my...

All Eyes on Jonathon Perrelli and Fortify

So there's this guy in town (DC) who likes to play dress up. While all the other kids were playing Cowboys and Native Americans, this guy dressed up like he was a Venture Capitalist.  I'm talking about Jonathon Perrelli and Fortify. Back in the day, he played big venture capitalist boy. Today, all the other kids are playing astronaut, but little Jon is playing big-time CEO of a hot, water-bottle startup (not hot water but a hot startup and regular water). Nine years ago, there were some people in town who gave little Jonny P, real money which he spread around DCTech like cash was apple seeds and little Jon was Jonny Appleseed. Dressed up like a VC, he indiscriminately spread the cash randomly with no thesis, strategy or plan, throwing some here and there. Ninety percent of JP's investments were or are dogs. But just like a blind squirrel...

Jonathon Perrelli LifeFuels Life Fool

What do you do if you're Jonathon Perrelli, the LifeFuels Life Fool, and Mr. Cranky won't stop pointing out how much of your investor's money you wasted promoting your product and yourself. How do you counter my frequent mocking because you've focused so little time creating a product? How do you counter Mr Cranky making fun of all the money and time wasted on meaningless pay-to-play awards like a CES innovation award (see post)? A competent rational person would stop focusing on self-promotion and start focusing on building real value. An intelligent strategic person would stop producing so much mock-worthy material. But a LifeFuels Life Fool would just try to block my access to his buffoonery. He'd block every person who follows Mr. Cranky on Twitter, everyone who has ever left a supportive comment on my blog posts (more about that later). This fool would block me from his social media feeds in the hopes that he could hide from critical scrutiny. JP is a snowflake too timid to face the truth. A man who craves affirmation and runs from the truth. The problem with Mr. Perrelli, LifeFuels Life Fool is he's afraid to face facts. He is afraid to confront reality...

3Si Phony VC

Everyone Who Knows Anything, Knows 3Si Phony VC is a Sham. Well, everyone except the local tech rags. With them, when it comes to that "knowing" thing, there appears to be a problem. These Tech "journalists" either don't know much or don't care about sharing letting what they know to get in the way of a story on deadline. The problem in DC is that too many of the "journalists" at rags like Technically DC and DCInno simply reprint bullshit without doing research. So when they post an article like this one, "WeWork’s veterans-in-residence program expands to DC," by Technically DC or this one, "The 10 Entrepreneurs in WeWork’s First D.C. Veterans in Residence Program," by DCInno the damage the very ecosystem of which they claim to be supporters. I reached out to one, count them, one, of the listed "Team Members" on the 3Si Web Page to ask about his relationship with 3Si. His response, "I Read your 3Si expo. I’m unfortunately linked with them and can’t seem to distance myself. One of the comments you posted came from my client. I Also have a second client that 3Si attempted to screw." I'm no journalist, yet, in doing a modest amount of research I...