Pulling Weeds in the DC Startup Garden

If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden and all the startups were plant life, the good companies would be flowers, especially Urban Stems and Bloompop that happen to sell flowers. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden than the DC Startup Tech "Journalists" would be the farmers who shine sunlight and spread manure in our gardens. "Journalists" from Tecnical.ly DC and DCInno do a great job of spreading the crap. They indiscriminately spread life-giving nutrients to all plants be they flowers or weeds. That's great because every garden needs fertilizer. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden it would be a small garden and unfortunately, this garden is over-fertilized with poo and is infested with weeds. The weeds you ask? They are companies like Trustify, Chalant Health, Union, and LifeFuels, with "Venture Craptial" firms like 3Si, with false prophets like Paul Singh, Evan Burfield, Jonathon Perrelli. they are the second tier, phonies who don't even qualify to the 1st class huckster status like, Jason Feimster, Matthew Pugsley, and Janet Ridgely. To the outright abusive criminals like Andy Powers, Danny Boice, and Jen Mellon. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden, this garden would need a gardener willing to get his or her...

What A Crock Of Startup Bullshit

I can't take it anymore. I can no longer continue ignoring Paul Singh's startup bullshit disguised as wisdom. Folks in the know keep forwarding to me ridiculous articles, stupid investments, and silly tweets of Paul's. One of his latest gems, a blog post titled, "You (probably) don't need a MVP, You need a list"  forwared to me with the subject line, Do You Believe This Shit? Yes, I sure as shit do because I consider the source. It's Paul Singh, the "prestigious," prestidigitating street performer from the traveling medicine show of startup bullshit. The man who packed up all his earthly possessions into an Airstream trailer, left DC and his Family behind in a cloud of dust. Just in time to beat the crowd of investors and entrepreneurs armed with pitchforks who showed up at his castle (see actual photo below)! [caption id="attachment_78750" align="aligncenter" width="960"] Actual Photo Of DCTech Investors on the way to Paul's House Before They Found Out He Skipped Town[/caption] Since then, he's been traveling to other startup boonies posing as the one-eyed man of startup bullshit in the land of the startup blind. He's the guru of getting it done in startup backwaters like Utica, Kitchenoo, Port Huron, Tallahassee,...

executive coaches - whoopass

Startup Community Leaders or Leavers?

I've always been suspect of startup community leaders. In fact, when Tien Wong accused me of being a startup community leader the other day, I was so offended I almost asked him to turn in his can of WhoopAss. Let's look at a history of startup community leaders in DC and keep score: Startup Community Leaders Who Are Leavers: Mario Morino - DCs first startup community leader at the end of the 90s and beginning of the aughts. He left town for his hometown of Cleveland over 15 years ago. LaunchBox Digital - How could these guys fail with such a strong first cohort (see article) Frank Gruber - Ran DC-Focused Tech Cocktail and left town in 2013 to become a Las Vegas community leader in 2013 Jen Consalvo - Also ran DC-Focused Tech Cocktail and left town in 2013 to become a Las Vegas community leader in 2013 Justin Thorpe - Was a force behind DC-Tech Meetup, DC-Tech Facebook Group left town in 2013 to work with Frank and Jen and came back a year later as a civilian Michael Myernick - Co-founded Proudly Made and a DC-Tech Meetup organizer raised $1.2 million for his "startup," Spinnakr and then snuck out of...

Executive Coaches Light Bulb Whoopass

Sometimes I Have To Admit, #DCTech Isn’t So Bad

[caption id="attachment_60126" align="alignright" width="150"] Fake Grimlock holding a can of WhoopAss[/caption] When it comes to DCTech, ya'll, well, any of ya'll in DCTech who have ever read my screeds know that Mr. Cranky is a Glass Half Full kind of guy and that Half Full Glass is usually Half Full of Urine. Now, most of you are thinking that Mr. Cranky, is from New Jersey by way of Brooklyn before Brooklyn was as our President would say, "Infested," with hipsters, just used the word ya'll and you're wondering WTF so I'm going to tell you WFT, and TF is that the word, ya'll empowers me to say things like "Bless Your Heart," instead of the New Jerseyian equivalent which is, F$3K OFF! Hows that for some stream of consciousness bit spewing vomit (the first person to correctly diagram the proceeding sentences gets a free can of Mr. Cranky Driven Forward Whoopass as pictured here). Today I'm here to Praise DCTech and not to bury her. In the last 2 weeks, I've serendipitously managed to meet several DCTech Real Startup Founders. Here are companies that will make my next release of "100 DCTech Companies I Don't Hate." Nakul Manjal - Status Identity. provides powerful Multi-Factor Adaptive User Authentication by creating a...

3Si Phony VC

Everyone Who Knows Anything, Knows 3Si Phony VC is a Sham. Well, everyone except the local tech rags. With them, when it comes to that "knowing" thing, there appears to be a problem. These Tech "journalists" either don't know much or don't care about sharing letting what they know to get in the way of a story on deadline. The problem in DC is that too many of the "journalists" at rags like Technically DC and DCInno simply reprint bullshit without doing research. So when they post an article like this one, "WeWork’s veterans-in-residence program expands to DC," by Technically DC or this one, "The 10 Entrepreneurs in WeWork’s First D.C. Veterans in Residence Program," by DCInno the damage the very ecosystem of which they claim to be supporters. I reached out to one, count them, one, of the listed "Team Members" on the 3Si Web Page to ask about his relationship with 3Si. His response, "I Read your 3Si expo. I’m unfortunately linked with them and can’t seem to distance myself. One of the comments you posted came from my client. I Also have a second client that 3Si attempted to screw." I'm no journalist, yet, in doing a modest amount of research I...

Danny Boice Worst Wolf of Startupland

Danny Boice Worst Wolf of Startupland. It's official. Danny Boice of Trustify is the 2017 Winner of  The Mr. Cranky First Annual Wolf of Startupland. Make no mistake, winner, in this case, means loser. The Academy Awards have their Oscar. The Worst Wolf of Startupland Awards has our Dookie! And the Dookie goes to Danny Boice Worst Wolf of Startupland who competed against 5 other accomplished liars, cheaters and scammers, including his wife and he easily bested them all. The Danny Boice Worst Wolf of Startuplandnominees Danny Boice - Trustify - Slimeball lying scumbag who abandoned his wife for her friend, cheated on his wife, kids, and 2 previous employers. Today he is currently cheating investors and the IRS by using investor cash to fund his lavious lifestyle of the rich and famous. Yes, Danny Boice Worst Wolf of Startupland winner! Pictured above is the cover of Danny's 2018 Christmas Cards. Best Danny Boice Article Here  Matthew Q. Pugsley - The only convicted Felon on the list, Mathew consistently stiffs vendors, attorneys, landlords and doesn't pay his alimony or child support for his 4 kids. He reportedly owes $300 thousand to a vendor who helped him develop a product and lost a $100 Thousand judgment to an investor...

Wolves of Startupland

Who Was The Worst Wolf of Startupland in 2017

Picking the Worst of the Worst Wolf of Startupland is a difficult choice but let's lay those choices out for you all and see what you think. Last year I started a series called Wolves of Startupland. The goal was to alert potential investors and employees of the possible risks of investing time, money and reputation in personality led startups. To qualify as a Wolf of Startupland one must at the very least: Have a very casual relationship with truth To repeatedly use other people's money irresponsibly To ignore the norms of corporate disclosure, transparency To have damaged investors, employees and the startup ecosystem through repeated acts of fraud or gross negligence A Wolf of Startupland is not someone who starts a company one time and through gross incompetence and/or a lack of commitment fails miserably.  By way of example, Chris MacDonald of HugeFan is a fool and not a Wolf of Startupland, the clowns at Spinnakr are incompetent wantrepeneurs and not Wolves. A true Wolf of Startupland must be a repeat offender, damage multiple people and they are likely to continue to inflict damage on the startup ecosystem. Lastly, I know many people of faith. True believers tend to be more trustworthy. People rightly assume that...

Mr Cranky Startup Technology Resolution

Mr. Cranky’s DCTech Resolutions 2018

Are you ready for Mr. Cranky's DCTech Resolutions, 2018 edition? Last year, Mr. Cranky's DCTech Resolutions I made my typical Glass Half Empty, preponderance of prescient predigious predictions(see it here).  This year I'm going to try and be a little less Mr. Cranky DCTech Resolutions and a little more Mr. Glass Half Full, even though I paid for full glass at inflated Buojee bar prices (Okay Old Fart (OF), just for you...