Driven Forward DCTech 2019 Gift Calendar

What's the perfect holiday gift for DCTech Startup Fans? It's the Mr Cranky, 2019 Gift Calendar! Feel free to print this out and make your own or if you prefer, you can contact me and order your officially printed version. Printed, bound and sent to your address for just $19.99. Want to order one, contact me here. Tell me how many you want and I'll be in touch. Remember, if you'd like one, contact me here!...

The Washington Post Non-Washington Business Coverage

The Washington Post has been asleep at the wheel in terms of covering the Startup world of DC. Granted, the startup world of DC has been comatose for some time. But while there are criminals and thieves plying their craft in DC, The Washington Post, is mum. But on October 12, 2018, the Washington Post's, Antonia Noori Farzan, woke up and penned an article about a minor crook in the Washington Suburbs of Fall River, Massachusetts. A DC suburb if 353 miles and a 5 1/2 hour drive is a commute. Yes, the paper which barely covers what is happening in business in DC didn't miss an opportunity to cover the curious inconsequential case of the 23-year-old Mayor-Elect of Falls River. The article: Elected mayor at 23 in struggling Fall River, Mass., Jasiel F. Correia II had the makings of a rising star — until Thursday (see link) As the post reports, "early Thursday morning, federal agents arrested Correia on charges that he stole almost a quarter of a million dollars from seven people who had invested in his start-up." Yet when local DC-based startup Comunniclique founder Andy Powers was found guilty of bilking local investors out of over $10 million dollars (which by my...

Cockroaches and Hand Grenades

When I was a young man, my first job out of Sales and Sales Management, was National Sales Operations Manager, which basically meant I was the VP of Sales, executive assistant (National Sales Operations Manager is to the Executive Assistant to the VP of Sales as the Chief of Staff is the Executive Assistant to the CEO. Its title inflation). Now, this VP was a former senior manager at Xerox, a notorious hyper-political organization and this guy, let's call him Jeff because Jeff was and probably still is his name was a puppet master extraordinaire. He would take a circuitous path to any goal...

Pulling Weeds in the DC Startup Garden

If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden and all the startups were plant life, the good companies would be flowers, especially Urban Stems and Bloompop that happen to sell flowers. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden than the DC Startup Tech "Journalists" would be the farmers who shine sunlight and spread manure in our gardens. "Journalists" from Tecnical.ly DC and DCInno do a great job of spreading the crap. They indiscriminately spread life-giving nutrients to all plants be they flowers or weeds. That's great because every garden needs fertilizer. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden it would be a small garden and unfortunately, this garden is over-fertilized with poo and is infested with weeds. The weeds you ask? They are companies like Trustify, Chalant Health, Union, and LifeFuels, with "Venture Craptial" firms like 3Si, with false prophets like Paul Singh, Evan Burfield, Jonathon Perrelli. they are the second tier, phonies who don't even qualify to the 1st class huckster status like, Jason Feimster, Matthew Pugsley, and Janet Ridgely. To the outright abusive criminals like Andy Powers, Danny Boice, and Jen Mellon. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden, this garden would need a gardener willing to get his or her...

What A Crock Of Startup Bullshit

I can't take it anymore. I can no longer continue ignoring Paul Singh's startup bullshit disguised as wisdom. Folks in the know keep forwarding to me ridiculous articles, stupid investments, and silly tweets of Paul's. One of his latest gems, a blog post titled, "You (probably) don't need a MVP, You need a list"  forwared to me with the subject line, Do You Believe This Shit? Yes, I sure as shit do because I consider the source. It's Paul Singh, the "prestigious," prestidigitating street performer from the traveling medicine show of startup bullshit. The man who packed up all his earthly possessions into an Airstream trailer, left DC and his Family behind in a cloud of dust. Just in time to beat the crowd of investors and entrepreneurs armed with pitchforks who showed up at his castle (see actual photo below)! [caption id="attachment_78750" align="aligncenter" width="960"] Actual Photo Of DCTech Investors on the way to Paul's House Before They Found Out He Skipped Town[/caption] Since then, he's been traveling to other startup boonies posing as the one-eyed man of startup bullshit in the land of the startup blind. He's the guru of getting it done in startup backwaters like Utica, Kitchenoo, Port Huron, Tallahassee,...

executive coaches - whoopass

Startup Community Leaders or Leavers?

I've always been suspect of startup community leaders. In fact, when Tien Wong accused me of being a startup community leader the other day, I was so offended I almost asked him to turn in his can of WhoopAss. Let's look at a history of startup community leaders in DC and keep score: Startup Community Leaders Who Are Leavers: Mario Morino - DCs first startup community leader at the end of the 90s and beginning of the aughts. He left town for his hometown of Cleveland over 15 years ago. LaunchBox Digital - How could these guys fail with such a strong first cohort (see article) Frank Gruber - Ran DC-Focused Tech Cocktail and left town in 2013 to become a Las Vegas community leader in 2013 Jen Consalvo - Also ran DC-Focused Tech Cocktail and left town in 2013 to become a Las Vegas community leader in 2013 Justin Thorpe - Was a force behind DC-Tech Meetup, DC-Tech Facebook Group left town in 2013 to work with Frank and Jen and came back a year later as a civilian Michael Myernick - Co-founded Proudly Made and a DC-Tech Meetup organizer raised $1.2 million for his "startup," Spinnakr and then snuck out of...

Executive Coaches Light Bulb Whoopass

Sometimes I Have To Admit, #DCTech Isn’t So Bad

[caption id="attachment_60126" align="alignright" width="150"] Fake Grimlock holding a can of WhoopAss[/caption] When it comes to DCTech, ya'll, well, any of ya'll in DCTech who have ever read my screeds know that Mr. Cranky is a Glass Half Full kind of guy and that Half Full Glass is usually Half Full of Urine. Now, most of you are thinking that Mr. Cranky, is from New Jersey by way of Brooklyn before Brooklyn was as our President would say, "Infested," with hipsters, just used the word ya'll and you're wondering WTF so I'm going to tell you WFT, and TF is that the word, ya'll empowers me to say things like "Bless Your Heart," instead of the New Jerseyian equivalent which is, F$3K OFF! Hows that for some stream of consciousness bit spewing vomit (the first person to correctly diagram the proceeding sentences gets a free can of Mr. Cranky Driven Forward Whoopass as pictured here). Today I'm here to Praise DCTech and not to bury her. In the last 2 weeks, I've serendipitously managed to meet several DCTech Real Startup Founders. Here are companies that will make my next release of "100 DCTech Companies I Don't Hate." Nakul Manjal - Status Identity. provides powerful Multi-Factor Adaptive User Authentication by creating a...

3Si Phony VC

Everyone Who Knows Anything, Knows 3Si Phony VC is a Sham. Well, everyone except the local tech rags. With them, when it comes to that "knowing" thing, there appears to be a problem. These Tech "journalists" either don't know much or don't care about sharing letting what they know to get in the way of a story on deadline. The problem in DC is that too many of the "journalists" at rags like Technically DC and DCInno simply reprint bullshit without doing research. So when they post an article like this one, "WeWork’s veterans-in-residence program expands to DC," by Technically DC or this one, "The 10 Entrepreneurs in WeWork’s First D.C. Veterans in Residence Program," by DCInno the damage the very ecosystem of which they claim to be supporters. I reached out to one, count them, one, of the listed "Team Members" on the 3Si Web Page to ask about his relationship with 3Si. His response, "I Read your 3Si expo. I’m unfortunately linked with them and can’t seem to distance myself. One of the comments you posted came from my client. I Also have a second client that 3Si attempted to screw." I'm no journalist, yet, in doing a modest amount of research I...