Mr Cranky Superhero Not

Mr Cranky Superhero? Not likely. I'm not Superman, Batman, the Tick, Antman, or even Under Dog. Although we share a motivation. What's that? For the umpteenth time I was asked, what did Danny Boice or what did Evan Burfield or Peter Noce (or Jay Noce or whatever the heck this miscreant is calling himself today) do to piss you off so much? And for the umpteenth time, my answer is, I have nothing against the person, it's their actions. It's the damage they do to others. It's the fact that they debase authentic startup entrepreneurs. It's the fact that they burn investors, which makes it more difficult for earnest, hard-working, honest entrepreneurs to raise money. It's the fact that they add so much friction to a process that is already difficult. It's not easy turning an unconventional thought into a high-value company without being tarnished with the turd-laden brush of the conmen wantrepreneurs. Take Jonathon Pirelli (JP) and his silly Lifefuels thing. Jonathon isn't evil, he just has an inflated image of himself. He just makes promises he has no ability to keep. His ego keeps writing checks that his intellect and discipline have no ability to cash. He's burned other founders, many employees, and...

executive coaches - whoopass

WhoopAss Thankfulness

On this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for WhoopAss I'm thankful for: All the turds who have allowed me to blow off steam by opening a can of WhoopAss on them, especially Danny Boice, Jenifer Mellon, Evan Burfield and many more. That those turds drove my website SEO and get me tons of clicks! For that lovely Demand Letter that loser Boice from Dumpster Fire Trustify sent me and all the fun my readers and I derived from that. I'm also very thankful that Boice couldn't afford a decent attorney! Thank you! For my readers and fans who feed me tips and information For all the authentic business people who are building real businesses and not working on the intersection of this and that thinking outside the box creating kickass communities disrupting the world innovating innovative inventions creating highly-segmented uber-nichey identity communities that exclude intelligent people of high character because they are the wrong, religion, ethnicity, national origin and emphasizing our differences in place of promoting inclusion (okay, maybe I'm just whining because there isn't a meetup for Cranky Old White Dudes and I feel slighted) Most of all I'm thankful for my clients, friends, and family In Celebration of my thankfulness, I'd like to...

Evan Burfield Fail – 1776 Part 3

Welcome to Evan Burfield Fail Part 3, in which I will trace Evan's creation of 1776 to his demotion to CEO of Union (to catch up you can read parts 1 and parts 2 here). In whole these 3 posts track the rise and fall of Burfield or Evan Burfield Fail. In an upcoming post, I will track the Burfield Effect on the DC Ecosystem and make some predictions about his future. If you are keeping score at home: I predicted the failure of 1776 years ago, albeit they breezed past my failure prediction of 2015 I predicted that 1776 would be bought out by Benjamin's desk I predicted that this so-called merger was an actual buy-out of a failing 1776 by Benjamin's Desk DC's Mr. Cranky or DC's Nostradamus? Stay tuned! Evan Burfield Fail - 1776 Coworking In 2012 Startup DC, enabled Burfield to cozy up to the DC Mayor's office. Mayor Gray. As the Startup America initiative was winding down, Evan developed his plan to leverage his relationship with Startup America's, Donna Harris, Mayor Gray and David Zipper, the Business Development Director for DC. In a process that took place in a darkened smoke-filled room of DC's version of Tammany Hall, Evan and Donna proposed the...

Evan Burfield – Startup America – K Street Capital Part 2

When you meet Evan Burfield, he looks you up and down and runs a quick algorithm. If the results indicate you can serve his short-term goals, you're a friend. If you have no apparent near-term value, even if you had helped him in the past, he deems you not worthy of his attention. That appears to be the formula. See a person, judge them from high to low in terms of the value they can perform in terms of his next goal. He's a brilliant analyst of short-term value and knows how to push the accelerator to get people to serve his goals. In this post, as in part 1 (seen here) and in upcoming Part 3 we follow this pattern and track the list of bodies that were pushed aside when value was extracted. Startup America - 2011 After Evan's second experience being fired by investors in the only companies he'd ever led and founded, he was once again, made available to industry. Yes sure, he'd been "promoted" to "Chairman of the Board," of Synteractive, a company that had no board supervision, but let's just say he was underemployed. In 2011, we find Evan, on the street, looking for some way to remain relevant....

#DCTech 1776 Merger or House Cleaning?

Is the Benjamin's Desk, 1776 Merger a merger or is it something else? The deal that has been in the works for 2 months finally closed today. After much consternation, wrangling and negotiated face-saving for the vanquished 1776, Benjamin's Desk kindly allowed Evan Burfield to pretend he's not been pushed out of that which he's burned to the ground. My sources report that Evan's face-saving measures have been a contributing factor in the delay of closing the deal. Is it a merger of equals? Well, it's a merger of equals if you don't take in to account 1776's dire financial straights and incredible operating losses under Evan Burfield's stewardship. It's a merger of equals if you want to insult Jennifer and Anthony Maher who appear to be growing a credible business.  It's a merger of equals if sick equals healthy. Here are the facts we know about the Benjamin's Desk - 1776 Merger The press release says it's a merger Press releases report spin...

The Rise and Fall of Evan Burfield – Part 1

How The Hell Did We Get Here - The Evan Burfield Story Evan Burfield is arguably one of the smartest people in any room. He's also proof that IQ points don't directly correlate with the ability to build and lead a company to a successful conclusion. 1995 NetDecide In 1995, Burfield was a freshly minted, 19-year-old, high school graduate of one of the countries most prestigious High Schools, Thomas Jefferson in Alexandria Virginia.  Post graduation, he skipped college and founded his first company, NetDecide. According to Burfield, he raised a million dollars in angel funding and eventually $20 million in total funding. To set some context of that period, this was after the big exits of AOL, Netscape, Yahoo and many other lottery winners. Everyone wanted in on the gold mine that was the World Wide Web and startups. There were 4 times as many VCs in DC who were 10 times more active and 50 times less discriminating than today's VCs. In 2000, Evan went out in search of institutional investors at a time when every kid with a business plan and a napkin could get funded.  Amed with a pen and a napkin, Burfield found himself a passel of soon to be out-of-work VC's...

Startup Funding: Who To Blame for the Lack of #DCTech Cash?

Who should we blame for the lack of startup funding in DC? Angel Investors - Let's blame the Angel Investors! Why aren't people like Mr Cranky investing in startups anymore? After all, wasn't Glen Hellman the #1 Angel Investor in the United States according to Tech Cocktail (tech.co) readers? Actually, no he wasn't and he, who is I, never was the #1 angel anywhere. He who is I, is (or am) also no longer an Angel Investor and the rest of this article describes why. Venture Capitalists - Let's blame the lack of startup funding on all the VC's who just don't "get it." Which isn't true if "it" is not understanding the value of a groovy app like Sick Weather. There is no it to get with apps like Trustify and Sick Weather.  The it that VCs do get however is the actually it that is the problem.  The it that is keeping them from actively investing in this region is that too few its have proven themselves to be worth it in DC as of late. That's why there used to be over 40 active VC's in this town and now there's only 4 or 5 or 6. The Government...