Wolves of Startupland

Wolves Of StartupLand – #DCTech-style

The Wolves Of StartupLand What's wrong with Mr Cranky? Why is he always crying Wolf? Is he like Peter in Peter and the Wolf? Are there really Wolves in StartupLand? Is he just crying Wolf? Absolutely YES and on Thursday's for the next few months I'm going to make my episodic case to that end in a series of blog posts that detail what puts the Crank in Mr Cranky. Why is he so mean to that poor startup founder.  Why is he such a bully. Although I prefer to think of me as more of a Proceed With Caution Sign than a bully but that's just me. You make up your own mind. Over the next few months, I'm going to be dedicating my Thursday Blog Posts to multi-part stories telling the tales of The Wolves of StartupLand.  I'm talking about the people who game the system, fudge the truth, may have squirreled away with the money of others...

Buzz to Biz Fool

Mr Cranky’s Buzz to Biz Ratio

What is the Buzz to Biz Ratio say you? It's the ratio that measures the correlation between company buzz and the value of a business. It's the fact that real companies understand that time, money, resources are precious and any resources dedicated to things other than designing, building, selling and supporting the best damn product possible is wasted energy. The Buzz to Biz ratio is the metric that separates a great company like ZoomData...

Dumb Money

Mr Cranky Dumb Money Venture Crapital

Dumb Money is someone willing to invest in a Venture Fund run by a Tech.co technology rag full of "journalists" who never saw a bad idea they didn't think would make a great company. I just got this email from Tech.co founder Frank Gruber: From: Frank Gruber Date: Fri, Mar 3, 2017 at 2:20 PM Subject: Re: Timely: Opportunity To Get Involved To: Glen Hellman Cc: Jen Consalvo, Jon Spinney Hi Glen, I hope you're doing well. We haven't heard from you in a bit so I wanted to circle back one last time to see if you're interested in getting involved in TechCo Ventures. The 6 companies targeted for our initial fund are: Blendoor CoSchedule Klickly Peanut Butter ProxBox ShearShare We have finalized terms and are prepared to begin the closing process. Please let us know your final indication of interest and we will send along final documents to execute. Final documents will be sent via DocuSign from Jon Spinney from Malartu (jon@malartufunds.us). So look for that coming to you soon. We look forward to having you involved and are available this weekend to answer any questions regarding the close. Thanks, Frank Frank Gruber CEO, Tech.Co Author of Startup Mixology Host of Innovate & Celebrate Conference Twitter | Facebook | LinkedIn Truthfully...

DCs Mr Cranky

Why Do They Call Me DC’s Mr Cranky?

DC's Mr Cranky? Tonight, for the umpteenth time I was introduced as DC's Mr Cranky. Tonight, folks continuously asked, "Why Mr Cranky?" I obviously wasn't amongst my base. They didn't know me. So I thought today, I'd explain to the world...

Peter Paul and Mary - Mr Cranky Startups

Mr Cranky Startups – Where Have All The Founders Gone?

Mr Cranky Startups. It's a love hate relationship that reminds me of a song: Where have all the founders gone, Long time passing, Where have all the founders gone, Long time ago, When will they ever learn? At least I think that's how the Peter, Paul and Mary song went. Mr Cranky Startups Rant Lately, I've been wondering about the weakness in DC Tech startups. It seems to me that the rate of startup founders dipping their toes in the DCTech pond has slowed considerably. Yet before I am added to the list of purveyors of Fake News which is just another name for the Local DC Tech press, like DCInno, let me admit that this is kind of a trumpish statement, since I'm short of actual data and base my observation on feelings. Startups growth rates were up rapidly around 2008 and peaked around 2012. Today there is a lack of new startups and more importantly a lack of new quality startups (see The Startup Turd to Gold Ratio). Worse still, there are very few great startups like Hurdlr (who? you say. My point exactly) are operating in secret. In fact most great companies spend more time developing product and customers instead of wasting limited resources courting the local tech...

New Years Predictions

Mr Cranky’s 2017 Technology Year In Review Predictions

Anyone can tell you what happened in the New Year but only Mr Cranky can tell you what happened In the year to come! Mr Cranky’s 2017 Year in Review: January - Marissa Mayer at Yahoo announces she’s created a new logo…. Because that’s the only thing she’s ever done while running Yahoo that hasn’t devalued the stock.  So why not once again fix the only thing that isn’t broken at Yahoo. February - Apple’s Tim Cook announces the new Apple 8 which has no headphone jack, no screen, no microphone, no speaker and no keyboard and gets 3 hours life from its battery.  Mashable claims the new phone is 10 times more useful than an Apple watch and people line up around the block for weeks to get Apple 8. March - Russian hackers commit suicide after making no progress hacking the new Apple 8 phone. April – President Trump says it was a 400 pound kid lying in his bed who unsuccessfully hacked the Apple 8 and not the Russian Suicide Hackers. May - Tim Cook and Apple release the new Apple 8 Plus. A 10 inch version of the iPhone 8. It does nothing so much bigger than the regular iPhone 8 (pictured below). June...

InaneCrapital

InTheCapital’s, Billy Mitchell recently posted an article regarding Social Tables  new feature which allows meeting planners to build seating...

The Two Worlds of #DCTech

There are two worlds of DC Tech, The Real World and the Bizaro World. The press, are naturally attracted to the Bizaro World where up is down, black is...