Pulling Weeds in the DC Startup Garden

If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden and all the startups were plant life, the good companies would be flowers, especially Urban Stems and Bloompop that happen to sell flowers. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden than the DC Startup Tech "Journalists" would be the farmers who shine sunlight and spread manure in our gardens. "Journalists" from Tecnical.ly DC and DCInno do a great job of spreading the crap. They indiscriminately spread life-giving nutrients to all plants be they flowers or weeds. That's great because every garden needs fertilizer. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden it would be a small garden and unfortunately, this garden is over-fertilized with poo and is infested with weeds. The weeds you ask? They are companies like Trustify, Chalant Health, Union, and LifeFuels, with "Venture Craptial" firms like 3Si, with false prophets like Paul Singh, Evan Burfield, Jonathon Perrelli. they are the second tier, phonies who don't even qualify to the 1st class huckster status like, Jason Feimster, Matthew Pugsley, and Janet Ridgely. To the outright abusive criminals like Andy Powers, Danny Boice, and Jen Mellon. If the DC Startup ecosystem was a garden, this garden would need a gardener willing to get his or her...

What A Crock Of Startup Bullshit

I can't take it anymore. I can no longer continue ignoring Paul Singh's startup bullshit disguised as wisdom. Folks in the know keep forwarding to me ridiculous articles, stupid investments, and silly tweets of Paul's. One of his latest gems, a blog post titled, "You (probably) don't need a MVP, You need a list"  forwared to me with the subject line, Do You Believe This Shit? Yes, I sure as shit do because I consider the source. It's Paul Singh, the "prestigious," prestidigitating street performer from the traveling medicine show of startup bullshit. The man who packed up all his earthly possessions into an Airstream trailer, left DC and his Family behind in a cloud of dust. Just in time to beat the crowd of investors and entrepreneurs armed with pitchforks who showed up at his castle (see actual photo below)! [caption id="attachment_78750" align="aligncenter" width="960"] Actual Photo Of DCTech Investors on the way to Paul's House Before They Found Out He Skipped Town[/caption] Since then, he's been traveling to other startup boonies posing as the one-eyed man of startup bullshit in the land of the startup blind. He's the guru of getting it done in startup backwaters like Utica, Kitchenoo, Port Huron, Tallahassee,...

Stupid Investor Definition Danny Boice

New Tip: Dumpster Fire Trustify

File this in the for what it's worth file for Trustify.  What follows is a transcript from a voicemail, I received at 6:05 PM, EDT on August 27, 2018. Signs of more layoffs and cost-cutting at Dumpster Fire Trustify. "Hey Mister Cranky, I've got something for you on Danny Boice, anonymous please. Mr. Boice has now lowered himself to firing via text the last above board employee he had. This employee was working endless hours. Fired late Saturday. As a direct result of that this employee is in ICU. All the while Mister Boice is sending Cort Furniture to try to empty the employees apartment for his rental furniture. He is the devil. Thank you." I can't vouch for the accuracy of the voicemail. Nor do I know the identity of the caller or the employee who was reportedly fired and is in the ICU. I would welcome any tips. Updated 12:24 PM, August 28, 20018: According to this tipster, Danny Dumpster Fire Boice, fired this person via text while the Danster was on vacation. Danny Boice like Donald Trump does not fire people in person. Supposedly there are only two people left working at the company. The creepy Mr. Matt De Leon, the clown oft referred to as...

Andy Powers – Friend of Danny Boice & Fellow Criminal

On March 16, 2018, the Commonwealth of Virginia's State Corporation Commision (SCC) filed against Andrew Brent Powers (AKA Andy Powers) and his company Comunniclique (DBA CliqueAPI) alleging multiple violations of the Virginia Securities Act. On July 13 of that year, the courts found Andy Powers guilty of 108 violations of the Act. Powers was also was found guilty of failing to respond to a subpoena.  That basically means he's on the run and did not appear to defend himself. Originally CliqueAPI and Powers mounted an aggressive defense and then in April, Power's Attornies, The Aegis Law Group, filed (see filing) that they were withdrawing from counsel on this case. Did Powers run out of money to pay for representation or were his attorney's alarmed that he was not acting in good faith? It seems like from that time, Andy was non-responsive to the case. According to court records, Tom Bayly, a senior investigator with the SCC, Division of Securities and Retail Franchising testified that the Division received a complaint in the fall of 2016 from the accountant of one of  CommuniClique's (AKA Clique and Clique API) investors regarding several irregularities. Subsequent investigations found that Powers was reporting to prospective and existing investors in CommuniClique, that...

Jen Mellon is Unfaithful

Mr. Cranky opens up his mail today. And today's entry from Mr. Cranky's mailbag is from a first time writer who submits the case that Jen Mellon is unfaithful. I'm sorry fans, but Mr. Cranky doesn't control his incoming mail so once again we talk the Trustify Danny Boice and Jen Mellon story. What is Faith? Jen Mellon, alledged cofounder of Trustify proclaims to be a woman of faith. She claims to be born again. Yet all who know her intimately will share that Jen Mellon is unfaithful to her faith. Jen Mellon cheats and lies to her investors. She uses money intended to build Trustify for personal use. For a lavish life. Jen Mellon is unfaithful as a corporate officer to her investors. Jen Mellon abuses her employees. Jen Mellon is unfaithful to her employees. Jen Mellon is unfaithful to her husbands, boyfriends, fiances, and friends. Jen Mellon is unfaithful to her friends and lovers. [caption id="attachment_78892" align="alignright" width="385"] Jen Lies about her Family Ties with the real Mellon Family[/caption] Update July 6th, 2018: Jen is a social climber. She's always looked to upgrade. In fact, she use to tell people that she was part of the prestigious Mellon Family. Funny story there. Jen was at a...

Executive Coaches Light Bulb Whoopass

Sometimes I Have To Admit, #DCTech Isn’t So Bad

[caption id="attachment_60126" align="alignright" width="150"] Fake Grimlock holding a can of WhoopAss[/caption] When it comes to DCTech, ya'll, well, any of ya'll in DCTech who have ever read my screeds know that Mr. Cranky is a Glass Half Full kind of guy and that Half Full Glass is usually Half Full of Urine. Now, most of you are thinking that Mr. Cranky, is from New Jersey by way of Brooklyn before Brooklyn was as our President would say, "Infested," with hipsters, just used the word ya'll and you're wondering WTF so I'm going to tell you WFT, and TF is that the word, ya'll empowers me to say things like "Bless Your Heart," instead of the New Jerseyian equivalent which is, F$3K OFF! Hows that for some stream of consciousness bit spewing vomit (the first person to correctly diagram the proceeding sentences gets a free can of Mr. Cranky Driven Forward Whoopass as pictured here). Today I'm here to Praise DCTech and not to bury her. In the last 2 weeks, I've serendipitously managed to meet several DCTech Real Startup Founders. Here are companies that will make my next release of "100 DCTech Companies I Don't Hate." Nakul Manjal - Status Identity. provides powerful Multi-Factor Adaptive User Authentication by creating a...