Mr Cranky’s Got Photoshop Skills Not!

I don’t know if you noticed but Mr. Cranky has mad photoshop skills! Which would be true if by mad you mean someone whose mind has ceased to function coherently. Okay, I’m too cheap to pay for photoshop and too lazy to learn how to use the tool anyway. I’m going to give you the trade secret behind my top top-notch production team.. me.

The process goes like this. Find a picture. Put it in powerpoint. Use the remove background tool in powerpoint. Do photo and text mashups in powerpoint. Then cut the layered production and paste it into Windows Paint. Save and voila… the result is art!

The crap on photoshop skills is only eclipsed by the crap I get for my spelling, grammar, punctuation, and general proofreading skills.

I take offense from that and here for your viewing pleasure, I present… Mr Cranky’s Mad Photoshop Skills!


My favorite, the crime link board tracking the inter-relations of the criminals in DC Tech (See Post).


A story about the total absence of a critical business press in DC


Evan Burfield The Spirit of 177 DC

Here’s a picture of one of my favorite story subjects, Evan Burfield. I’ve added Evan’s face and black eye shades. Mad skills right? See Post Here


Benjamin's Desk and Evan Burfield

Here we find John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin and Evan Burfield working on the declaration of independence. See Post


Now this one, I’m actually proud of, it’s part of an article about the one-eyed man being king in the land of the blind. I found the one-eyed man and added him to the blind. Come on… this one is good! See Post


Here’s a mashup of a Mr. Cranky cartoon with an Uncle Sam cartoon. This was regarding the marketing lessons of the 2012 presidential election. See post


Okay, this is not a photoshop thing. It’s just a picture I took at a Boss Concert. I love this photo. See Post


What does a guy do when Danny Boice has a Lawyer threaten him asking that I stop calling Dumpster Fire Trustify a Dumpster Fire? I post a blog with a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Dumpster Fire Danny Boice and Jen Mellon in barbaque garb in front of a burning dumpster… aka a dumpster fire. See Post


Let’s pretend a guy starts a company on April Fools day to build a $200 water bottle. And let’s say that people got on the waiting list and 3 1/2 years later they are still waiting. You take a snail, built on a water bottle and print lifefuels on the water bottle in honor of a water bottle that has taken longer to develop than building a Pentagon three times. The bottle is being delivered on the back of a snail.  See Post


People actually invested $5 million dollars in Jonathon Perrelli’s LifeFuels turkey. I don’t give a crap what you think. I think it’s pretty good! It’s a picture of Eddie Murphy from the movie “Comming to America,” turned into a magazine. This appeared in my 2018 year in review… yes I review the year in advance of the year. Anyone can tell you what happened. I tell you what is going to happen. See Post


When a clueless goofball who knows nothing about Venture Capital pretends to be a Venture Capitalist, like let’s take Jason Feimster from 3Si for instance. See Post


I didn’t change this picture and it has no place in this post except, I just love it! I love the audacity and the narcissism of it all. See Post


My favorite criminal couple, DCTech’s Bonnie and Clyde… Danny Boice and Jennifer Mellon trying out orange prison jumpsuits. They’re going to look great in jail. See Post


A burning car at the Sandhill Road exit as representing the article, Venture Capital is Broken. Yes, the flames kind of cut off abruptly. Yes, my photoshop skills suck. See Post


So let’s pretend there’s a little bald guy who is kind of a clown of a startup guy. Failed as a VC and failing as a founder and it’s the 3 year anniversary of a company that spent $5 million dollars hunting wabbits and caught nothing. What do you do? You put Elmer Fudd on the guy’s shoulders and add a birthday cake. See Post


So one nasty, woman. Jen Mellon, the kind of person who would take puppies and make them into a coat. Then have her speak at the Blue Duck Tavern. What do you do? Take Jen Mellon, the wicked Step Mother and place her head inside the head of 101 Dalmation’s, Cruella Deville and put her in front of the Blue Duck Tavern. High on concept and short on execution. See Post


Not so good, I know. But you see Evan Burfield failed at NetDecide, then failed at Synteractive, then failed at 1776 and is rising like a phoenix with Union. The soon to be out of business non-business spin-off from 1776. See Post


Stupid Investor Definition Danny Boice

Danny Boice’s buddy Andy Powers is already on the run from being behind bars… this is what Danny Boice will look like when the Commonwealth of Virginia is done investigating him. See Post


Startup Douche evan burfield fail Here’s the two coolest guys in DC hanging together, Evan Burfield and Bob Douche’ the CEO of Douchecom. Bob is obviously a mash-up of many characters. See Post


This is Mr. Cranky predicting the death of Angel Investing with the advent of crowdfunding portion of the Jobs Act. See Mr. Cranky there in the evolutionary display? I use to be an Angel Investor until I became extinct. See Post


Faster Horses

Faster Horses! Speaks for itself. See Post


Dumb Startup Ideas

Here’s a picture for an App Idea. Bun Boy… just helping bun boys to say no to the bun. Two real DCTechers, well one former DCTecher turned Global Celebrity and a DCTEcher whose picture I snapped at one of Tian Wong’s Connectpreneur Conferences. Anyone recognize the Bun Boy on the right? See Post


Trump Tweets

The picture that scared the crap out of Skippy. In this blog, I posted tweets from our “President” and tweets from a fictional 16-year-old girl and asked readers to guess which was which. See Post


In this picture, I took the profile picture of a convicted Felon, Drug Dealer, and Conman, Matthew Pugsley. Put his head on the shoulders of an Orange Jump Suit. Then Placed an Alcatraz Convict Placard and then put that behind bars.  And then added a back wall. For those keeping score. That’s 5 layers. Who’s the king of non-photoshop photoshoping? Mr. Cranky. See Post


An article about Mr. Cranky not being a superhero.


Here’s one that will come out on Monday. It is the image for an condemning Facebook for ignoring reports of fraudulent advertisements enabling criminals to take advantage of unsuspecting facebookers.


Okay, folks, that’s enough torture for one day. Bee good.