Mr Cranky Awesome Rant of Amazingness

This company is amazing, that company is doing amazing things, that guy is amazing. The superlative amazing is just so abused.  It’s overused on the DCTech Facebook Group page, it just might be used  more often in InTheCapital articles than punctuation marks. Here there and everywhere you see amazingly abusive overuse of the word, amazing.

Look kids, the Webster definition of amazement is kind of amazing in and of itself as it uses the derivative word amazement in the definition.

Webster  “Amazing – causing amazement, great wonder, or surprise”

It is said that goldfish have the shortest memory in the world, which is amazing on so many levels like A) that there are scientists that are testing the memory of fish (talk about solving 1st world problems),  B) imagine said scientists playing Concentration with goldfish, C) they actually have better memory than we thought which is amazingly awesome because goldfish can remember things for 3 months which is probably why you never see one tearing apart their houses looking for lost car keys.  A goldfish actually has a better memory than a politician 2 minutes after the election.

Is it possible that these mesmerized amazianacs have such a short memory that all things are new and groundbreaking? Do they look at the world with childlike wonder because everything seems new? Is it a memory issue or are their lives so mundane that little things like  a flipped coin coming up heads or tails is amazing?

If everything is amazing, eventually nothing is amazing.  It’s like having a hundred tasks and making them all a number 1 priority.

So cool it all you amazingholics with your amazing thises and your awesome thatses. Be descriptive.  Tell why you believe something is amazing? What is the bar of amazement? Is it a measure of how many users a company has corralled? A measure of revenue?  A measure of the complexity of the problem that has been solved? Is it based on a bell curve?

On a scale of 1 to 10,where 1 equals boiled tofu and 10 equals bacon, where would it fall on that scale? Really? Why? Because it’s salty, because the smell drives people crazy? Because when you cook bacon, all the dogs in your neighborhood circle your house like sharks in a feeding frenzy. Because it can take boring white toast, lettuce, tomato  and mayonnaise and turn it into an epicurean delight?

As far as I’m concerned, here are some amazing things:

  1. 1 Million users
  2. Zero to $1 Million in revenue in under a year
  3. A $1 Billion exit
  4. They went from startup to toppling Yahoo as market leader in 2 years
  5. They’ve been on the top 10 download list in the Apple Store for 10 months straight

Here’s some stuff that ain’t amazing:

  1. They are covered in the press again (Tech Crunch, Mashable, Tech Cocktail, Washington Post Online, InTheCapital all need content to get advertising hits.  Bits are cheap and not as impressive as ink. Being covered by the press is an achievement but is not an amazing achievement.  What is amazing however is the amount of energy some people spend trying to get press instead of customers).
  2. He just published a self-published book.
  3. One of their customers just wrote about loving them.
  4. They won a pitch contest or Glen Hellman named them a top 5 company raising money (People like me who judge these contests are wrong more than we’re right.  It isn’t amazing to win a beauty contest unless winning comes with a $1 Billion exit).
  5. They just raised $500K (Raising money isn’t amazing.  It’s notable but not amazing or awesome. Using that newly raised capital efficiently to build a company of great value is amazing.}

Okay, I’ll take a breath now, and chill. Gosh getting that off my chest was amazing!  Now go and do amazing things.