LinkedIn Marketing Fail or Push versus Pull

Every day, three or four or so LinkedIn spammers reach out to me on LinkedIn in order to enable me to exercise my delete finger. They treat me like I’m some kind of catawampus. They degrade me by implying I’m so stupid that I don’t have a clue about my own needs. That just pisses me off… it’s like they think my google machine is broken. They seem to think that I’m so bored and lonely that I want some lowly smellfungus to infest my computer with their maggot-ridden bit vomit spam.

Like for instance yesterday when I received this opus from a ninnyhammer.

I came across your profile and thought it would be great to connect with you. If there is anything I can do to support you, please reach out.
Best Regards

I Work with Consultants To Increase Reach and Engagement with their Dream Client! Booked Calendar with NO Ad Spend in as Little as 5 Days!

Did Ms. Vikki tell me what she could do to help me? Did she make me feel like she knows anything about me? Did she make me think she cares about me as a person or did she make me feel like a Rube? Hint, see what’s under Vikki’s signature? Vikki was going to send me a note trying to sell me her demand generation services 1.3 seconds after I accepted her request. Faster than grass goes through a goose.

When you bit vomiteer spammiesters piss me off with your brainless knuckleheaded spam all you do is demonstrate exactly how you would make my clients feel if I hired you. Maybe I should hire you to sell for my competitors. If you would like to hire someone to piss-off your prospects, you can find Vikki’s LinkedIn profile here.

Push-Based Demand Generation is going the way of the moderate politician. Push-Based Demand Generation is going the way of the T-Rex, extinct because it couldn’t reach it’s food in the top cabinet with those short tiny arms. Your email is as effective to me as a Nigerian prince trying to give away all his riches.

There’s another way to do this. Create a dominating presence that drives clients to seek you out.

In a blog post from ProResource titled, Refocus Your LinkedIn Presence to Support Your 2019 Business Goals

Check out Goal #2 Take Lead Generation to the Next Level

  1. Talk to your potential customers. Make sure your LinkedIn profile tells the story of why people should do business with you (rather than why they should hire you). Who do you help? How do you help them? What results have your customers achieved? – Cranky Note: My bud, Vikki up there did not get into the why!
  2. Make the next steps easy. Upload high-quality introductory materials to your profile: videos, e-books, PPTs, case studies. Include your email address or phone number in your summary. Use your contact info to link to your calendar, so people can easily schedule a time to talk with you one on one.
  3. Sign up for Sales Navigator. Sales Navigator is the version of LinkedIn designed for salespeople. It has powerful search and relationship-building capabilities that can be highly beneficial when used appropriately. Use Sales Navigator to build targeted prospecting lists, research accounts, introduce yourself, and stay in touch with your contacts. The first 30 days are often free, so if you have some downtime now, this is a good time to experiment with what’s possible.

Nowhere in there did it say, find a potential customer, ask them to connect for no good reason, and as soon as they connect… ask them if they want to buy your product (see this blog post The LinkedIn Swamp).

Judy Schramm is the founder and the CEO of ProResource, a company that consults with Senior Executives and Companies to help them build their reputations and grow revenue through social media. Judy is a, if not thee. goto expert on how-to market on LinkedIn. Check out her profile and see how to work LinkedIn (Note: Judy Schram does not endorse nor condone my mean snarky name calling. She’s a classy lady).

I reached out to Ms. Schramm and asked her if you would offer two tips to wannabe LinkedIn mavens and she responded with these pearls.

“You would be surprised at how much your profile picture matters. We did a test where we were able to increase profile views by 31%, simply by improving the quality of the headshot. It’s worth the investment to work with a professional photographer.” – Judy Schramm, ProResource

She writes about this phenomenon in her blog (see post here), and then she added,

“Your headline is the most important factor in whether people click to view your profile. Make it rich with keywords, putting the most important words first. Use language that lets people know they are in the right place, and inject a little personality so you stand out.” -Judy Schramm, ProResource

In a bonus third tip, Judy passed on this useful LinkedIn hack.

“If you edit your headline on your desktop, you have 120 characters to work with. If you edit on your phone you may be able to get up to 100 characters more.” – Judy Schramm, ProResource

Asking for two tips and getting three reminds of the old saying, There are three kinds of people.

  1. Those Who Can Count
  2. Those That Can’t

Let me conclude with the best way to reach me if you want to sell to me via LinkedIn.

Mr. Cranky’s Golden Rules of LinkedIn Demand Generation

  1. Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You – If I have a headache, I know where to find my aspirin… I don’t need your stinkin aspirin and if I did, I’d find you and ask for it. Actually, I’d find you if you follow the next few rules.
  2. Make Yourself Findable – People do searches on LinkedIn, Google indexes LinkedIn. Make sure your profile has the right keywords. Include everything in your profile that would ensure Google finds your profile relevant for searches in your field of expertise.
  3. Make Your Profile Professional – This photo is a don’t do… ’nuff said.
  4. Grow Connections – Grow your network without being a spammer. Follow people, compliment their work, learn about them and reach out with a personalized message that tells them that you know who they are and let them know what’s in it for them to connect with you. Then don’t ask them to buy your service as soon as they connect (see post).
  5. Create Good Relevant Content – Write thoughtful articles on linked in (like this, okay thoughtful is debatable). Include video content (like this). Post your blog posts, share other relevant articles you find on the web on LinkedIn.
  6. Don’t be a Douchenozzle 

Link Here to See Part I of this LinkedIn Marketing Post

August 7, 2019, Update: It appears that Ms. Vikki seemed none too keen to be the featured subject of this post. She filed a DMCA takedown form claiming copyright infringement and although I claim the original image was protected under the fair use doctrine, I didn’t want anyone to be angry with me so I changed the image.

She also seemed to take umbrage with me referring her to a ninnyhammer. For those who don’t know, a ninnyhammer is defined by World Wide Words as,

Ninnyhammer. Pronounced /ˈnɪnɪˌhæmə/ This term for a person who is a fool or a simpleton has, for the most part, vanished except in works that consciously seek to evoke a bygone age through antique language.”

I think I’ll stick to the original verbiage as that word evokes a bygone age just as it was intended. Although in Viki’s defense, I have no idea if she’s a simpleton. I just know she’s one of the thousands of LinkedIn spammers who don’t like being referred to as ninnyhammers.

Here are the details of Ms. Keenan’s complaint:

“Glen wrote an article using my image and name. (My image is part of the copyright of my company) In the article he called my company names. I have never met Glen or worked with him, I simply sent him a connection request on LinkedIn to which he took offense to and penned article attacking both me personally and my company”

The message from Vikki’s “from” field was a little confusing.  From: Vikki Keenan [email protected] via and Mellisa Sue Tucker, or someone from Wisconson has been visiting the alledged offending page. See Image. Who is Melissa? She appears to be a lovely human doing good work. Keep it up, Melissa!

Although it’s possible she’s just acting as an agent for the real Viki because there are hits from Dublin Ireland. 

Ladies… Mel (mind if I call you Mel) and Vikki…  all you had to do was send me a nice email and would have changed the names. Try that first next time.

Disclaimer: I volunteer my time and am an independent contractor for many organizations. The Views on my blog post are my own and do not represent the views of any of the organizations with whom I dedicate my time. That includes my clients in my coaching practice, the members of my Driven Forward ThinkTank, the University of Maryland. Mach37, The Founders Institute. These views also do not reflect the opinions for any organization that I was formerly associated with including, James Monroe Elementary School, where I graduated with distinction from 6th grade, Lexitron which I left in 1982, Montgomery Youth Hockey or Vistage an organization I was grateful to be a part of and happily parted ways in 2014.