Evan Burfield Whispering in Sean Spicer's Ear

Evan Burfield… The Sean Spicer of #DCTech

The purchase of 1776 by Benjamin’s Desk is heating up. As a result, Evan Burfield will be pushed out to sink or swim as the CEO of spun-out software company selling 1776’s Union.  It’s getting realer (Trumpian English) and closer.

Yesterday, The Washington Business Journal’s (WBJ), Andy Medici reported more details of a probable sale. His report kicked off by this Mr Cranky post from 2 days ago and additional sources. Good work, Andy!!!

Quoting from the WBJ article,

Evan Burfield, 1776 co-founder and CEO, repeatedly denied the news, saying there is no current deal or purchase with Benjamin’s Desk. He said 1776 and Benjamin’s Desk have had a “long-standing partnership,” calling the combination “wild speculation.”

“We’re always exploring different ways we can expand 1776’s mission, but there is no imminent acquisition of 1776,” he said.

Today, after more discussions with even more sources, Andy reported the deal is likely to close next week. In today’s article, Evan Burfield had his Kellyanne Conway-esque, spokesperson repeat the denial. Quoted from that article:

1776 spokeswoman Morgan Gress also denied any deal or transaction of any kind on Wednesday.

(Note: Correction. The above picture incorrectly and understandably misidentified Morgan Gress in the above picture. Apparently, the picture is of someone else. Yet Ms. Gress did present the alternate fact by denying there is a deal in the works) 

And just to prove this is real, the crack “Journalists,” at Technal.ly DC reported that sources in Philadelphia confirm a “merger.” You know what you call an acquisition when a healthy company purchases a sick puppy and doesn’t want to embarrass the puppy? A Merger. You want to know who the sick company is…. it’s the company where the CEO that abused the sick puppy is not the CEO of the “merged” entity. The sick puppy is the company where the CEO is pushed aside to run a Union software product that no one wants.

In my mind, I’ve had an imaginary interview with Evan and it goes like this:

Me, “Hi Evan, do you believe in climate change?”

Evan, “I repeatedly deny that humans are causing climate change.”

Me, “How about evolution?”

Evan, “Nope, no such thing. I believe in intelligent design.”

Me, “How about gravity?”

Evan, “Nope, I believe in intelligent falling down. By the way, did I tell you that when I went to President Trump’s inaugural, it was the largest event I ever attended? There were easily 20 million people there on the mall.”

When Burfield says it ain’t so, he’s stating a fact…a real fake news fact. When Burfield says it’s sunny out, you better bring an umbrella.

Here’s the thing… I have never seen Sean Spicer and Evan Burfield together at the same time. Is it possible they are the same person? I read that Spicer is having a difficult time finding employment because he destroyed any credibility he ever had. For Evan’s sake, which rhymes with, but has no relationship to “for heaven’s sake,”  Burfield needs to successfully execute in his new role as the CEO of the Union software spin-out, which by the way is never going to happen.” If Union is a failure it will be added to a long list of Evan’s over-hyped failures, his fourth venture-backed failure out of four.

The Spicer Story is a cautionary tale, Mr. Burfield. Hey Evie, when you prove you’re a hype-man and not an operator and in addition you blow your credibility it’s difficult to get another job. But then again I keep forgetting. You don’t need no stinkin luck because 1776 is doing fine and you’re the CEO for life of a company that is not up for sale if you don’t count what’s going to happen in the next few weeks. Burfield is the head honcho until next Friday when Benjamin’s Desk concludes purchasing 1776 at the fire sale which is not in the works if you ignore everything that is in the works.  It’s never going to happen. Like never ever… Right, Evan?

Imagine looking for a job after going for 0-4 as a founder? Most people only get three strikes but Evan Burfield is getting a fourth swing at bat. If he winds up with four failures coupled with his honesty issues and credibility dipping lower than that of Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, and the Iraqi Information Minister combined… this will likely be his last job.

Update 10/16

Whoops, The Deal That Evan Burfield said would never got done…. got done today.  You know Evan, no comment is a valid answer. Much better than lying!