Dumb Startup Ideas

King of the Startup Apps

King of the Startup Apps Mr Cranky is the new King of the Startup Apps because I've got a bunch of great ideas. that I'm proud to announce will join the new incoming cohort of the Brake Decelerator. Brake for those who are unfamiliar, is a Super-de-duper 1776 DC-like decelerator.  Like 1776 we say we're a Venture Fund and we're not. In fact the only thing holding Brake back from being a 1776 rival is that unlike Evan Burfield, the guys who run Brake actually have had profitable exits and not a record of being booted by investors from the only companies they ever founded. Oh and we don't unintentionally invest in crappy companies...

Buzz to Biz Fool

Mr Cranky’s Buzz to Biz Ratio

What is the Buzz to Biz Ratio say you? It's the ratio that measures the correlation between company buzz and the value of a business. It's the fact that real companies understand that time, money, resources are precious and any resources dedicated to things other than designing, building, selling and supporting the best damn product possible is wasted energy. The Buzz to Biz ratio is the metric that separates a great company like ZoomData...

DCTech STartups

Revisiting the 100 DC Tech Startups I Don’t Hate

Aww those  DC Tech Startups. Got to love them or hate them. In today's post we ((we love calling me we) look back at the 100 #DCTech Startups we as in I don't Hate. Way back in April 2014 I made a friendly wager with the Washington Post's Steven Overly that I could name 100 DCTech companies that didn't make me want to vomit. Thusly (he said with grand pomposity of one who refers to himself as we),  the 100 #DCTech Companies I Don’t Hate: The Steven Overly Challenge was born. I lost that wager because at the time I was only able to come up with 42 companies. Probably because most of the good companies aren't stupid enough to be constantly yelling, "Hey! Look at me!" at the local tech press like DCInno or Tech.co or Techally.Dc.(look for the upcoming Mr Cranky post on the Buzz to Biz Ratio). Most of the good companies hide in the isolation of caves and come out when they've made it. Now 3 years after the challenge, I...

Fake Grimlock Holding Can of WhoopAss

Innovation Lately… Not Likely

Innovation? Not Likely. Not Lately. Not Where It Use to Be We use to count on Software Startups to drive the innovation engine. Yet real Light bulb ideas,  that kind of big thinking that created Light Bulbs. Steam Engines, Internal Combustion Engines, Telephone, Radio, Television, Micro-wave Popcorn, are currently overshadowed by evolutionators dressed in innovators clothing. There use to be a steady pace of real innovation coming from startups and inventors. Now we have things like...

LearnMetrics

LearnMetrics Learns Nothing Fast

Chicago-based startup LearnMetrics and Julian Miller are the definition of the Startup Professional Class (SPC) What do I mean by that? The Startup Professional class are components of the Startup Industrial Complex. Julian and his SPC colleagues, like DC-based Danny Boice and Evan Burfield are not in the business of creating companies of any value...

Startup Business Plan

Get Investors to Read Your Startup Business Plan

How do you get investors to read your startup business plan? Well short of walking into their offices and holding a gun on them, there's no guaranteed way to get them to read a business plan. There are however several ways to get them to not read your startup business plan and they include: Send it to investors who don't invest in your space - You're a pre-revenue media entertainment startup located in Washington DC seeking seed funding and you send the plan to a later-stage investor that doesn't focus in media and entertainment. Wrong Stage. Wrong Geography. Wrong Investor. Blind Unsolicited - Send in an unsolicited blind plan. Why waste a stamp. If you're sending in a blind, unsolicited business plan to an investor, save yourself a stamp. Just put it in an envelope, address the envelope and place it in your recycle bin. Maybe you should shred it first so no one else will find out how stupid you are. Technology - Make it all about the tech. Tell them every thing about the inner workings of your technology and ignore why anyone would want it. Use lots and lots of big words - Forget graphics, bullets and a narrative....