A Kinder Gentler Daddier Mr. Cranky

The problem with being the only dedicated white collar crime blogger in DC is that it forces me to wade in the shallow swamp full of sleazy, scummy, douchenozzles. Spending too much time inspecting the slugs under rocks can make a man, cynical and cranky. So today, on this fathers day, I'm going to pledge myself to the task of obtaining a streak of positive blog posts. Yes, folks, I promise that starting with this post, I will achieve the world record of one positive blog post in a row! After all, I have a lot going for me. Both my sons are here to visit me for Father's day. There can be no higher calling than raising one's progeny and coaching them into mature, self-sufficient, productive members of society. There is no greater, startup achievement than I can be proud of than these two young men. What's better than a $360 million IPO of Progress software? Seeing my oldest, who was one year old when we went public graduate with honors from Harvard Law. Do you know what's better than a $92 million dollar cash acquisition of Call Technologies by 3Com? Seeing my youngest, who was 6 years old when we...

Love Your Haters

You have to love your haters. If you're a person of principle. If you're true to your values. Then you have to love your haters. That's the reason I was flattered the other day when a semi-literate, inarticulate, hater created a web site that pays homage to Mr. Cranky. Thank you whomever you are. You're a hater and you have to love your haters. Oh wait...

The This of the Thats

There are more than a few overdone phrases in the startup world that drive me nuts. I hate the intersections as in we're at the intersection,  "we're  at the intersection of tech and sustainability," courtesy of the Shelton Group, or "we're at the intersection of absurdity and buffoonery," courtesy of LifeFuels. Or how about, "We're the Tinder of Uber (for people who want to date Uber Drivers). But nothing makes me crazier than the "We are the This of the Thats." But before I get to that, I have this great product idea! I'm talking as good as the 3rd Love Bra or the Stupid Socks that come in shoe sizes instead of small, medium-large. Here's my idea, it's the 3rd Love Bra of Socks. Shoes come in Left and Right...

Retail Tectonic Shifts and a few Yuks

Retail Tectonic Shifts? Is Mr. Cranky going to talk about what's happening in Germany? No that's Teutonic Shifts.  This is the kind of shirt that takes place when the earth's floating tectonic plates mash together and shake the world. Shit is happening in retail. Some of it good. Most of it bad. In this post, true to form, Mr. Cranky briefly touches on the good but will hammer home the bad effects of retail tectonic shifts. Amazon - Retail Tectonic Shifts Amazon - The Good: Have a stupid idea in your head and search it on Amazon and there it is...

When You Block Me…

Devin Nunes, a congressman is suing Twitter and two twitter characters named @DevinNuneMom (suspended) and @DevinCow for defamation and seeking $250 million in damages. Is that what you call a snowflake (help out Deven's Cow and donate)? I talked to my attorney last night. The lawsuit can be expensive, but I’m determined to fight it. Devin should not be allowed to stop free speech. Can you please help me? Thank you 💗🐮 https://t.co/I9Ko944Ptr — Devin Nunes’ cow (@DevinCow) March 28, 2019 Why doesn't he just block them? I don't block people on Twitter...

Heard Around DC Startups

Ah DC Startups, the red-headed, bastard, stepchildren of the startup world. For instance, the other day I read a quote by a guy. In terms of DC Startups, this guy is a successful founder with a good, relative to other DC Startups exits.  I like and respect this guy and his current company.  Yet, the quote was a perfect example of the ridiculous, over-the-top, kind of sound bites it takes to get ink or bits in the startup press in the wastelands of DC Startups. This quote inspired me to pick on all the pronouncements and predictions from DC's "prestigious" prognosticators. Here's the quote that inspired me, "We have the DNA of a billion dollar company" I have the DNA of a Neanderthal (2.7 % of my DNA to be precise) but that doesn't make me a caveman. Nope, I'm a caveman because I have failed to evolve. So to the CEO of the double-helix DNA company, you have the DNA of a decent company but you aren't the next Uber of Uber. On the other hand, you aren't Lifefuels...