A History Of Malfeasance – Turn Of Century #DCTech Part 2

When we last left our protagonist (see part 1) he, as in me referring to myself in the 3rd person as if I'm some kind of hero, had just stepped into a pile of poo called Ikimbo. Ikimbo at one time was one of those magical acts of reverse-alchemy where mismanagement, misdirection, and misrepresentation spun gold into a pile of turds (see turd to gold ratio). The first day I went to work with the following priorities: Earn team trust and limit the loss of talent Take stock of assets and liabilities Cut burn rate As I arrived in the office for my first day as boss I went about working the list: Address the troops - "Folks, we are in a bad place...

Jonathon Perrelli Bottle

Jonathon Perrelli Epilogue Part 3 (revised)

Prologue to the Jonathon Perrelli Epilogue Two weeks ago, I posted the first of a 3 part series Jonathon Perrelli Fortify VC Part 1 with a follow up Part 2 last week. Yup there goes Mr Cranky picking on a poor pioneer of DC's Startup Ecosystem. Not one of the people who protested about the series did so by refuting any of the facts presented in those posts. JP didn't respond to my request for information, nor did he reply in comments, except possibly under a the pseudonym "goonsquad" in the comment section of the first post. All of the folks who protested my first two blog post, protested with the same response...

DC VC vs CB Insights Map

DC VC vs CB Insights – Fake News

DC VC vs CB Insights. That's today's story. Why is it that there are so few sources of real facts in the Startup World. CB Insights is a company that tries to sell and monetize data displays their total lack of understanding of data. They serve Data without Insight. Is CB Insights an arm of the Russian Government hired to distribute fake news? Data without wisdom is worthless.  Give a list of tables and data to this little monkey here and he will derive the same value from CB INsights list of Most Active VCs in Each State as a founder looking to raise money in DC. It's worthless to both. What should people do with a list that says a company that has not made a legitimate new investment in 3 years and has no office in DC or anywhere else for that matter do with this information? I guess this is the danger of small numbers...

The Fort - Jonathon Perrelli Fortify VC

Jonathon Perrelli Fortify VC Part 2

Jonathon Perrelli and Fortify VC Part 2 (see part 1) It was April 23rd and I had just posted an article about questionable startup investors titled, Pretangel Alert – Beware Fake VCs And Angels. That post was a warning for founders to be on the lookout for faux investors that pretend to be interested in investing with the true intention of garnering paid consulting engagements. In this post I non-derogatorily mentioned a couple of Investment Funds, including Fortify that were in a Zombie state...

The Fort - Jonathon Perrelli Fortify VC

Jonathon Perrelli Fortify VC Part 1

Meet Jonathon Perrelli Fortify VC I first met Jonathon Perrelli (commonly referred to as JP) in late 2011 at a Founders Institute (FI) graduation. Twelve companies graduated and pitched that day. After many of the pitches, JP provided, what seemed to me at the time, expert commentary. He was electrifying, funny, talked about all the big things he had done in the past -- his friendship with Sean Parker (as in -- you know what’s really cool, a billion dollars -- played by Justin Timberlake in the Social Network Sean Parker… that guy), his connections with 500 Startups and other big Silicon Valley icons. So I approached JP, introduced myself, and talked for a while. I was impressed. He told me about his fund, Fortify.VC and why it was like bringing Silicon Valley to DC. We both liked one of the companies that pitched, HugeFan. In my excitement to do a deal with this guy (who I mistakenly assumed was a sophisticated investor)…. I decided to place a bet on HugeFan and that I’d rely on this “professional” to do the due diligence. JP went on to invest in two of the companies presenting that day, HugeFan and Feastie.  I put $25,000...

Wolves of Startupland

Wolves Of StartupLand – #DCTech-style

The Wolves Of StartupLand What's wrong with Mr Cranky? Why is he always crying Wolf? Is he like Peter in Peter and the Wolf? Are there really Wolves in StartupLand? Is he just crying Wolf? Absolutely YES and on Thursday's for the next few months I'm going to make my episodic case to that end in a series of blog posts that detail what puts the Crank in Mr Cranky. Why is he so mean to that poor startup founder.  Why is he such a bully. Although I prefer to think of me as more of a Proceed With Caution Sign than a bully but that's just me. You make up your own mind. Over the next few months, I'm going to be dedicating my Thursday Blog Posts to multi-part stories telling the tales of The Wolves of StartupLand.  I'm talking about the people who game the system, fudge the truth, may have squirreled away with the money of others...

Dumb Startup Ideas

King of the Startup Apps

King of the Startup Apps Mr Cranky is the new King of the Startup Apps because I've got a bunch of great ideas. that I'm proud to announce will join the new incoming cohort of the Brake Decelerator. Brake for those who are unfamiliar, is a Super-de-duper 1776 DC-like decelerator.  Like 1776 we say we're a Venture Fund and we're not. In fact the only thing holding Brake back from being a 1776 rival is that unlike Evan Burfield, the guys who run Brake actually have had profitable exits and not a record of being booted by investors from the only companies they ever founded. Oh and we don't unintentionally invest in crappy companies...