Bad Spam, Bad Marketing

Talk about bad marketing! Usually, Mr Cranky just ignores his spam mail. Occasionally, I lie to draw a lesson from them so I’ve decided to improve the following spam mail and send it to the spammer so that old Mak Saini… a hotmail user writes better emails that no one will read. Calling this email Spam is an insult to Spam.  Truth is as a Jersey Guy who grew up on Taylor Pork Roll sandwiches, Spam sandwiches are the next best thing.

Bad Spam Bad Marketing Email

——- Original Message ——–
Subject: Professional Web service (horrible non-attention grabbing, no imagination subject line. Try something like. “I found that your web site is causing you to lose prospective customers”)
From: Mak Saini <[email protected](Mak… baby… get a big boy email address like a real business domain or at least a gmail account)
Date: Tue, February 07, 2017 3:27 am (congrats. the first thing you did right!
To: (blank? really? how about just announcing Mass Mail non-personalized email)

Hi, (How Hi? Hi? That’s all you got? Loser!)

First of all, I would like to utilize the opportunity to introduce myself to you as WDM, India Web development Company. As an Internet Application Development company, we have been progressively growing over our year of operations. (first of all you shouldn’t start a conversation talking about yourself. You have to make me give a crap who you are and right now the only reason I give a crab about you is to use you as an illustration of how not to sell.)
Our designers and developers have been delivering their best by pushing their creative horizons. (Wow! How did you know that I needed to push some gosh darn creative horizons. That’s some really original creative jingoistic jargon bs.)

We like to move along with constantly transforming technology and hence (hence? really? hence?) adopt the most advanced tools and practices. (why should I give a sh&t? How does the jargon term advanced tools and practices translate to a benefit to me? Does it allow you to deliver the service quickly at less cost to attract more of the customers I’m losing?) We listen and understand the personalized needs of our clients to deliver precisely with what’s needed.  (If you actually listened to deliver personalized needs… don’t you think you could have done a better job of proving that than sending this piece of crap spam email? Based on your execution so far I think you’re lying. I don’t think you listen and I think you want to cheat me.)
Our prices are best in the market, which is why we have a client base in countries like USA, Europe, Canada, and Australia. (So What?)

We can help your business/organization to earn the identity it needs on the internet as it is the best platform for marketing today. Our services web development in Web Designing includes:  (Really? By this letter it would seem like you think my “business/organization’s” identity is ________? I don’t need a website to tell people that I’m nobody, with no name or any business name.)

• Logo Designing.
• Graphic Designing.
• Custom Web Designing.
• Corporate Website Designing.
• Website Redesigning.
• Web 2.0 based designing.
• E-Commerce Web Designing.
• PSD to XHTML and WordPress conversion.
• Reseller Development Services.

We provide a comprehensive range of web services and require you to sell our services on our behalf. Our prices are highly competitive and the quality we can guarantee would be inimitable.

Do let us know if you are interested in designing/developing the sites and I can share you the detail information for proceeding further. I would be happy to share our Work Portfolio, Client testimonials and Methodologies.

In case of questions and queries feel free writing us back? (see! I listen to you. You said to right back so I did! Thanks Mak Baby!)

Best Regards,

No need to thank me Mak Baby! Helping people is what I do! Now go forth. Stop going hence with your henceforth crappy bad marketing. Write better spam that no one will read! Be ignored better!